Can you guess the topic of this blog? It's the same as 90% of the blogs published in the last 24 hours. Who am I to be an individual?
There is a lot to be said about suicide. From the perspective of those left behind, it appears to be a totally irrational and selfish act. How could anyone not know or care that their actions will hurt so many others? Don't they know that tomorrow is another day? Suicide is permanent whereas their problems are temporary.
From the other side, the dark side, things look very different. I won't presume to know how it is for all people who suffer with depression or who have contemplated/attempted suicide. I will only speak from my own knowledge.
I grew up not liking myself very much. My parents built me up but the effects of my peers beating me down were stronger. I knew I was loved at home, but I didn't feel liked anywhere else. I sought to please the adults in my life because I couldn't win with other children. The accolades only served to ostracize the other kids. Because I wasn't accepted or invited into the "in" crowd, I lost confidence in my abilities. Where I once enjoyed creating beautiful things (My dad was my biggest fan and encourager calling me his artsy craftsy girl), I decided to give up trying when my work didn't measure up to the standards of the other kids. There wasn't anything I could do about being short and freckled and redheaded and apparently these were things to be despised.
Fast forward to puberty and hormone hell. Mix these with the aforementioned self-hatred and it is easy to see where things could take an ugly turn. I remember being home sick from school one day. I was doing some required reading and got caught up in the story of a troubled girl who had turned to drugs and alcohol and sex to escape her pain. I am pretty sure that wasn't the lesson the school was hoping we would take away. It didn't end well for the character, but I figured it was worth a try. What I found was more self-loathing and I was sure that no one else could understand how I felt.
Later on, I fell in love with an abusive person. I would be the woman who could save him. Deep down inside I knew I was wrong, but at least I wasn't alone. He accepted me. I had a couple of close friends but I was too ashamed to tell them what I had gotten myself into. One day I hit a place so low that I attempted to take my life. I remember the way it played out. It was as if I was outside of myself. I could see myself going through the motions of my job, but I was making preparations to kill myself. Nothing held any joy for me. I wasn't thinking of the family who loved me. All I could see was my pain. A pain so dark it blocked out all light. I did not yet have a personal relationship with my Savior, so there was no hope as far as I could tell.
My first attempt was unsuccessful, and I was hospitalized for a week. This left me with bills I could not afford to pay. Fear set in. I found myself homeless and out of work, and still with the same boyfriend. My self worth was non-existent. I was no good to anyone, completely useless. Two more overdoses left me sick but still alive. I do not remember when or how I came to my senses, but I finally rid myself of the man who only sought to drag me down to his level. This was not the end of my darkness, however. I continued to devalue myself and it is only by the grace of God that I did not end up dead in a ditch somewhere.
I know that my depression was not a chemical imbalance, but it was very real just the same. I am grateful to have found hope in Jesus Christ. I found my worth in Him. He saved me from my attempts to destroy myself. Without Him, I don't believe I could have survived the pregnancy losses, or the marital turmoil, or the death of our son. Before Jesus, there was only darkness. He shone a light into my life that I can see even in my darkest hours.
So, I understand the people who are saying that faith is the key to survival. It has been the only thing that has kept me alive. I cannot speak about physical depression requiring medical treatment. That is another animal altogether.
I do know that the first step out of darkness is to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. A light called hope.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Monday, August 4, 2014
With a Grateful Heart
2014 has been a year of commitments, resolutions, and change.
As the year began, I decided to follow my sister and friend who were posting, on social media, something they were thankful for every day. This is a wonderful way to take the focus off of our troubles, large and small, long enough to realize that while there is breath in us, we have something to be thankful for.
Most days it has been easy to find something to give thanks for. Only once or twice did I struggle to think of anything. The point is that I did. I reached deep down beyond my hurt feelings or wounded pride to find a reason to give thanks.
Tonight, I am feeling my cup of thankfulness overflowing. The events of this past week have highlighted for me how much I have changed. That thing I used to run away and hide from has enabled me to become someone I never believed I could be. Tonight, I am thankful for change.
It is strange to realize that just 7 years ago, I was a captive. For 15 years, I had allowed myself to be deceived. I placed people on pedestals and believed that God wanted me to emulate them. It was comfortable letting these people be my world because I didn't need to think for myself or step outside of my comfort zone. In retrospect, I understand that it was to protect themselves from being found out that they isolated me. It was as though I had been kidnapped and brainwashed. My captors were my saviors.
How could I have been so gullible? This had happened before with an abusive boyfriend and I was wise enough to break free from those chains. The difference this time was that these people never openly hurt me. Everything they said and did seemed for my own good. When I opened up about my experience to my birth son, he told me a story about a frog in a pot of boiling water. I had never heard it before. He said that if you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it is going to hop out. But the frog that is put into a pot of cold water will stay as the water is slowly brought to a boil around him. By the time he realizes he is in hot water, it's too late.
Thankfully, for me it was not too late. What looked as though my world was crumbling around me was really a necessary demolition to make way for a complete remodel. Not to sound like a Disney movie, but for the first time in forever I was without my constant friend and companion. I was alone in the cold, grieving without the person I had relied on for so long. I had nowhere to turn but to God. He had always been right by my side but I was blinded by hero-worship. I imagined He had placed these people in my life to make me a better person, and in a way they had. The lessons I have taken from that experience are ones I will never forget, and I will share them with others that they might avoid the same pitfalls. God has always been with me, just walking along side until I let go of my crutches so that He could carry me into a new relationship with Him.
The transformation in me has been physical, spiritual, and emotional. The outward changes are just a positive side-effect of the inward ones. I went out into my neighborhood and spoke to people. I went to a new church and accepted help from strangers who wanted nothing but to serve me. I opened my eyes to the problems in my home life and sought help. I began to work on my relationship with Christ in ways I never had before. I stepped into a leadership position and was blessed by the people God put in my path. I was encouraged by the positive examples of others and I
decided that I could do good things for myself. I have been challenged to do more, be better, give more, grow more.
The greatest gift to rise out of the ashes of tragedy has been the abundance of friends I have gained. I am not talking about social media "friends." I mean real live human beings. I understand that God wants me to live in community with other people, not to hide from them. I can learn from them and give to them. We won't all become lifelong companions. Some will leave as quickly as they came. I am learning discernment. I am still quick to trust and believe the best in people, but now I do not close my eyes to their faults. These faults are what make us real. Anyone who seems to good to be true probably is.
God has given me so much to be thankful for. My family whom I cherish, my husband who I love more now than ever, my health, and my friends. I used to say that I had three friends, and I was only half joking. There were a few people I confided in and I didn't alow room in my life for acquaintances. Now my friends are so numerous, I feel like the richest woman in the world. One day when we were walking through the church building, one of my children noted that I knew a lot of people as woman after woman passed by and addressed me by name. It was humbling to realize that so many people had taken the time to get to know my name. I was somebody worth knowing!
For this, I am truly thankful.
As the year began, I decided to follow my sister and friend who were posting, on social media, something they were thankful for every day. This is a wonderful way to take the focus off of our troubles, large and small, long enough to realize that while there is breath in us, we have something to be thankful for.
Most days it has been easy to find something to give thanks for. Only once or twice did I struggle to think of anything. The point is that I did. I reached deep down beyond my hurt feelings or wounded pride to find a reason to give thanks.
Tonight, I am feeling my cup of thankfulness overflowing. The events of this past week have highlighted for me how much I have changed. That thing I used to run away and hide from has enabled me to become someone I never believed I could be. Tonight, I am thankful for change.
It is strange to realize that just 7 years ago, I was a captive. For 15 years, I had allowed myself to be deceived. I placed people on pedestals and believed that God wanted me to emulate them. It was comfortable letting these people be my world because I didn't need to think for myself or step outside of my comfort zone. In retrospect, I understand that it was to protect themselves from being found out that they isolated me. It was as though I had been kidnapped and brainwashed. My captors were my saviors.
How could I have been so gullible? This had happened before with an abusive boyfriend and I was wise enough to break free from those chains. The difference this time was that these people never openly hurt me. Everything they said and did seemed for my own good. When I opened up about my experience to my birth son, he told me a story about a frog in a pot of boiling water. I had never heard it before. He said that if you put a frog into a pot of boiling water, it is going to hop out. But the frog that is put into a pot of cold water will stay as the water is slowly brought to a boil around him. By the time he realizes he is in hot water, it's too late.
Thankfully, for me it was not too late. What looked as though my world was crumbling around me was really a necessary demolition to make way for a complete remodel. Not to sound like a Disney movie, but for the first time in forever I was without my constant friend and companion. I was alone in the cold, grieving without the person I had relied on for so long. I had nowhere to turn but to God. He had always been right by my side but I was blinded by hero-worship. I imagined He had placed these people in my life to make me a better person, and in a way they had. The lessons I have taken from that experience are ones I will never forget, and I will share them with others that they might avoid the same pitfalls. God has always been with me, just walking along side until I let go of my crutches so that He could carry me into a new relationship with Him.
The transformation in me has been physical, spiritual, and emotional. The outward changes are just a positive side-effect of the inward ones. I went out into my neighborhood and spoke to people. I went to a new church and accepted help from strangers who wanted nothing but to serve me. I opened my eyes to the problems in my home life and sought help. I began to work on my relationship with Christ in ways I never had before. I stepped into a leadership position and was blessed by the people God put in my path. I was encouraged by the positive examples of others and I
decided that I could do good things for myself. I have been challenged to do more, be better, give more, grow more.
The greatest gift to rise out of the ashes of tragedy has been the abundance of friends I have gained. I am not talking about social media "friends." I mean real live human beings. I understand that God wants me to live in community with other people, not to hide from them. I can learn from them and give to them. We won't all become lifelong companions. Some will leave as quickly as they came. I am learning discernment. I am still quick to trust and believe the best in people, but now I do not close my eyes to their faults. These faults are what make us real. Anyone who seems to good to be true probably is.
God has given me so much to be thankful for. My family whom I cherish, my husband who I love more now than ever, my health, and my friends. I used to say that I had three friends, and I was only half joking. There were a few people I confided in and I didn't alow room in my life for acquaintances. Now my friends are so numerous, I feel like the richest woman in the world. One day when we were walking through the church building, one of my children noted that I knew a lot of people as woman after woman passed by and addressed me by name. It was humbling to realize that so many people had taken the time to get to know my name. I was somebody worth knowing!
For this, I am truly thankful.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
What I Want To Be W̶h̶e̶n̶ If I Grow Up
Here it is again. That nasty thing called change. I write about it a lot because it helps me to process things. Like an introvert who thinks out loud, driving those around him nuts when they respond and he continues the oral yet internal dialogue. So read on if you have any interest at all in the inner workings of my twisted little mind.
I have known for the past couple of years that my childcare duties would be slowing down and I have recently been considering if I would take on any new clients or move on to a new venture. Today I got the news that I will be going to part time childcare this fall. I am torn. Am I sad, excited, scared out of my mind?! While I think I have made great strides in this area, change is not my favorite thing.
I am looking forward to having a little more freedom in my day. Maybe take more hikes or more educational field trips with those still home schooling. Whatever I choose to do to augment the household income, it will have to be something I can do in my underwear, or at least without getting out of my pajamas.
Today I have been researching getting a license to do commercial baking in my home. I fear the requirements will necessitate a complete kitchen remodel. I want to be a financial help, not a walking, talking money pit! I joined a website to link me up with proofreading and blogging jobs. Finally, I can use my Nazi-esque grammar and spelling obsession to my advantage, and not get punched in the mouth!
I have even asked for ideas from friends on Facebook. Some of these people know me a little bit and others know me too well for my own good. So far nothing extreme has been suggested. Baking, tutoring, writing, public speaking. It was even suggested I do MORE childcare. Which led to my next idea.
I did notice they are looking for "dancers" at a local "steak house." It fits the working-in-my-underwear requirement! My darling husband said I'd probably look better than any of the talent they had. I decided not to turn it into a "How would you know?" fight and instead pointed out a few of my less than desirable features: stretch marks, sagging breasts, twin skin and triplet flap. Trust me, you don't want to know. These lovely badges of honor remain, even after all of my hard-earned weight loss. Besides, the only dancing I know how to do is Jazzercise and I'm pretty sure I resemble a spastic albatross doing that.
Oh yeah. I also don't think people should sell sex. Silly me!
My foray into comedy has been on hold so long that I have a renewed sense of dread when I think of getting on stage. It was a terrifying adrenaline rush and, unlike running a race, I do not feel like getting right back on stage and repeating the experience as soon as it is over. I want to hurl. Besides, when you get on stage in your underwear, people expect a different kind of performance. I refer you to paragraph six above.
*beep*
Ooh! An email from the Oregon Department of Agriculture. Thank you, Christine S., Food Safety Specialist, for the virtual stack of forms. Or should that be a stack of virtual forms? I suppose it's time to get real or go home. Wait.....
Time to slip into my underwear and get to work!
I have known for the past couple of years that my childcare duties would be slowing down and I have recently been considering if I would take on any new clients or move on to a new venture. Today I got the news that I will be going to part time childcare this fall. I am torn. Am I sad, excited, scared out of my mind?! While I think I have made great strides in this area, change is not my favorite thing.
I am looking forward to having a little more freedom in my day. Maybe take more hikes or more educational field trips with those still home schooling. Whatever I choose to do to augment the household income, it will have to be something I can do in my underwear, or at least without getting out of my pajamas.
Today I have been researching getting a license to do commercial baking in my home. I fear the requirements will necessitate a complete kitchen remodel. I want to be a financial help, not a walking, talking money pit! I joined a website to link me up with proofreading and blogging jobs. Finally, I can use my Nazi-esque grammar and spelling obsession to my advantage, and not get punched in the mouth!
I have even asked for ideas from friends on Facebook. Some of these people know me a little bit and others know me too well for my own good. So far nothing extreme has been suggested. Baking, tutoring, writing, public speaking. It was even suggested I do MORE childcare. Which led to my next idea.
I did notice they are looking for "dancers" at a local "steak house." It fits the working-in-my-underwear requirement! My darling husband said I'd probably look better than any of the talent they had. I decided not to turn it into a "How would you know?" fight and instead pointed out a few of my less than desirable features: stretch marks, sagging breasts, twin skin and triplet flap. Trust me, you don't want to know. These lovely badges of honor remain, even after all of my hard-earned weight loss. Besides, the only dancing I know how to do is Jazzercise and I'm pretty sure I resemble a spastic albatross doing that.
Oh yeah. I also don't think people should sell sex. Silly me!
My foray into comedy has been on hold so long that I have a renewed sense of dread when I think of getting on stage. It was a terrifying adrenaline rush and, unlike running a race, I do not feel like getting right back on stage and repeating the experience as soon as it is over. I want to hurl. Besides, when you get on stage in your underwear, people expect a different kind of performance. I refer you to paragraph six above.
*beep*
Ooh! An email from the Oregon Department of Agriculture. Thank you, Christine S., Food Safety Specialist, for the virtual stack of forms. Or should that be a stack of virtual forms? I suppose it's time to get real or go home. Wait.....
Time to slip into my underwear and get to work!
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Getting Back
Rehabilitation. Recovery. Codependence. Clean & Sober.
These catchphrases are known by most everyone, even those never touched by addiction. I have my own past with drugs and alcohol and now I stand on the sidelines, watching and praying as people I love struggle with theirs. Supporting but not enabling. Loving and not excusing.
I've worked through the 12 steps of recovery. It was not for myself that I started this journey, though. I was tagging along to show support for someone. I had my life together.
WAKE UP!!! What a load of malarkey! I may have been able to project the image of a life in control (the true sign of an addict) but inside I struggled with a demon that made me and everyone I loved miserable. My addiction was anger. I turned to it whenever I felt hurt or out of control. It gave me a sense of power, which was preferable to feeling powerless and vulnerable. Anger made me feel like I was in control. I understand this, and my reasons for choosing anger, but I still struggle with it. A LOT! At least now I know why I do it and I can apologize and try to do better. Isn't that the best any of us can do?
Regardless of the addiction, there are steps to recovery. The 12 steps, or the 8 Biblical principles, are a road out of dependence. If we stumble and fall backwards into our old mess, those steps will always be there. It is no good trying to get a running start so you can skip a few. Some are more difficult than others, and those are the ones that can be the most essential to successful recovery. I like to focus on the 4th step. This, in my experience, is the one that sends many people back to their old lifestyles. Or else they skip it, which means they can skip number 5.
"Whew! Dodged a bullet there. This is going to be easier than I thought."
What is so scary about these steps? Step 4 requires us to take a "searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." Now, if you are struggling with an addiction, it is quite likely because you are trying to avoid something. Something from your past that hurt you, that you do not want to remember. And now it is time to dredge up the past. It almost seems counterproductive to a life of moving forward, but if we don't clean up the stuff in our past, it has a nasty way of resurfacing and taking over our lives. There is only so much you can stuff into the closet before the door is going to burst wide open and reveal the mess that is your life. Better to tackle that mess one piece at a time, dealing with each issue and storing up the important lessons or memories without holding onto the junk itself.
We get ourselves back by getting back to the cause of our pain or fear, but that requires opening the door and facing the years of baggage we have been avoiding unpacking. The longer we wait to do this, the more crap there will be to deal with. That doesn't mean we can't do it. It only means we will need to rely on help from others. People who have had to sort through their own messes. We cannot recover in isolation. We must refuse to live in shame. Everyone has a past and no one can judge you without also judging himself.
When we indulge in destructive behaviors we need to "get back, Loretta" and take a look at why. It won't always be easy and sometimes it will be downright ugly. Do it anyway and get yourself back.
These catchphrases are known by most everyone, even those never touched by addiction. I have my own past with drugs and alcohol and now I stand on the sidelines, watching and praying as people I love struggle with theirs. Supporting but not enabling. Loving and not excusing.
I've worked through the 12 steps of recovery. It was not for myself that I started this journey, though. I was tagging along to show support for someone. I had my life together.
WAKE UP!!! What a load of malarkey! I may have been able to project the image of a life in control (the true sign of an addict) but inside I struggled with a demon that made me and everyone I loved miserable. My addiction was anger. I turned to it whenever I felt hurt or out of control. It gave me a sense of power, which was preferable to feeling powerless and vulnerable. Anger made me feel like I was in control. I understand this, and my reasons for choosing anger, but I still struggle with it. A LOT! At least now I know why I do it and I can apologize and try to do better. Isn't that the best any of us can do?
Regardless of the addiction, there are steps to recovery. The 12 steps, or the 8 Biblical principles, are a road out of dependence. If we stumble and fall backwards into our old mess, those steps will always be there. It is no good trying to get a running start so you can skip a few. Some are more difficult than others, and those are the ones that can be the most essential to successful recovery. I like to focus on the 4th step. This, in my experience, is the one that sends many people back to their old lifestyles. Or else they skip it, which means they can skip number 5.
"Whew! Dodged a bullet there. This is going to be easier than I thought."
What is so scary about these steps? Step 4 requires us to take a "searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." Now, if you are struggling with an addiction, it is quite likely because you are trying to avoid something. Something from your past that hurt you, that you do not want to remember. And now it is time to dredge up the past. It almost seems counterproductive to a life of moving forward, but if we don't clean up the stuff in our past, it has a nasty way of resurfacing and taking over our lives. There is only so much you can stuff into the closet before the door is going to burst wide open and reveal the mess that is your life. Better to tackle that mess one piece at a time, dealing with each issue and storing up the important lessons or memories without holding onto the junk itself.
We get ourselves back by getting back to the cause of our pain or fear, but that requires opening the door and facing the years of baggage we have been avoiding unpacking. The longer we wait to do this, the more crap there will be to deal with. That doesn't mean we can't do it. It only means we will need to rely on help from others. People who have had to sort through their own messes. We cannot recover in isolation. We must refuse to live in shame. Everyone has a past and no one can judge you without also judging himself.
When we indulge in destructive behaviors we need to "get back, Loretta" and take a look at why. It won't always be easy and sometimes it will be downright ugly. Do it anyway and get yourself back.
Saturday, May 17, 2014
........Is Change
Just a couple of days ago, I wrote a blog about change and how much I love* it. (*See: sarcasm)
Change is uncertain. Uncertainty leads to worry. Worry distracts us from God when we need to rely on Him the most. Does this mean change is bad? Change is from God. He designed the world with the plan that all life in it would reproduce and grow. Change. Even the simple act of flowing water can carve a canyon out of solid rock. Change.
There was one change that was not from God. He did not introduce sin into this world. All change that has come from that first sin is not from Him. Disease and death are not from Him, but He does offer us redemption, healing, comfort and peace; oases in this desert of sin.
You see, change IS uncertain. Uncertainty can also lead to anticipation and hope! Hope is from God. Hope is what keeps us from giving up. It keeps us trying to make things better in the face of adversity. If I burn a cake, I do not walk out of the kitchen and never cook again. When a child makes an error in school work, he does not drop out. When a loved one dies from cancer, we do not give up. We learn from our mistakes. We continue to support organizations in searching for a cure. We hope.
Hope is the enemy of worry.
Last night, I saw my son having a seizure. This was the first time I had ever seen something like this and it was terrifying to see it happening to my child. I called 9-1-1 and we waited for help to arrive. The other children all milled around, helping to clean up and checking on their brother. Someone asked if he was going to be okay. I said "Yes!" Then came the question, "How do you know?"
I kneeled over Ian and kissed him and said, "Because God is taking care of him. God won't let anything bad happen to him."
As we rode to the hospital, many thoughts raced through my mind. Does he have epilepsy? How is this going to change our lives? How can I do anything if I am worried that Ian will have another seizure? I realized that I cannot live my life in worry. I have to give all of these fears to God. He can give me the peace to be able to carry on. We will all need to learn more about seizures and what we should and should not do, but we cannot put Ian in a bubble and stare at him waiting for another seizure to happen. We must follow up with qualified physicians who can help us to understand all of this. We will arm ourselves with knowledge, another change God has given us. Learning is constant and, as we learn, we change. We have already spent some time doing research on autism and seizures. We will probably come up with many more questions than answers, at first. These questions will afford us more opportunities to learn, to change.
As Ian regained coherence, we sang and we prayed together. He talked to Jesus in a way that I know only Jesus would understand. This gives me hope. I know that Ian has a relationship with God that I cannot comprehend. When I say that God won't let anything bad happen to Ian, it means that I feel confident that he is saved. His eternity is assured. Illness and even death are not the worst things that can happen to a person. To die without having a relationship with God is.
My hope is in a Savior who has paid the price that I might spend eternity in paradise with my creator. I made the choice to change my life from one of running away from God to one of seeking and embracing Him.
This is change I can get behind.
Change is uncertain. Uncertainty leads to worry. Worry distracts us from God when we need to rely on Him the most. Does this mean change is bad? Change is from God. He designed the world with the plan that all life in it would reproduce and grow. Change. Even the simple act of flowing water can carve a canyon out of solid rock. Change.
There was one change that was not from God. He did not introduce sin into this world. All change that has come from that first sin is not from Him. Disease and death are not from Him, but He does offer us redemption, healing, comfort and peace; oases in this desert of sin.
You see, change IS uncertain. Uncertainty can also lead to anticipation and hope! Hope is from God. Hope is what keeps us from giving up. It keeps us trying to make things better in the face of adversity. If I burn a cake, I do not walk out of the kitchen and never cook again. When a child makes an error in school work, he does not drop out. When a loved one dies from cancer, we do not give up. We learn from our mistakes. We continue to support organizations in searching for a cure. We hope.
Hope is the enemy of worry.
Last night, I saw my son having a seizure. This was the first time I had ever seen something like this and it was terrifying to see it happening to my child. I called 9-1-1 and we waited for help to arrive. The other children all milled around, helping to clean up and checking on their brother. Someone asked if he was going to be okay. I said "Yes!" Then came the question, "How do you know?"
I kneeled over Ian and kissed him and said, "Because God is taking care of him. God won't let anything bad happen to him."
As we rode to the hospital, many thoughts raced through my mind. Does he have epilepsy? How is this going to change our lives? How can I do anything if I am worried that Ian will have another seizure? I realized that I cannot live my life in worry. I have to give all of these fears to God. He can give me the peace to be able to carry on. We will all need to learn more about seizures and what we should and should not do, but we cannot put Ian in a bubble and stare at him waiting for another seizure to happen. We must follow up with qualified physicians who can help us to understand all of this. We will arm ourselves with knowledge, another change God has given us. Learning is constant and, as we learn, we change. We have already spent some time doing research on autism and seizures. We will probably come up with many more questions than answers, at first. These questions will afford us more opportunities to learn, to change.
As Ian regained coherence, we sang and we prayed together. He talked to Jesus in a way that I know only Jesus would understand. This gives me hope. I know that Ian has a relationship with God that I cannot comprehend. When I say that God won't let anything bad happen to Ian, it means that I feel confident that he is saved. His eternity is assured. Illness and even death are not the worst things that can happen to a person. To die without having a relationship with God is.
My hope is in a Savior who has paid the price that I might spend eternity in paradise with my creator. I made the choice to change my life from one of running away from God to one of seeking and embracing Him.
This is change I can get behind.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
The Only Constant......
Those who know me best know that change is not my cup of tea. What made me think parenting would be the right choice for me? Babies are cute but they don't stay babies forever. They get bigger and more mobile and learn to talk and become independent and grow up and....
What happens in that .... is a whole lot of living and growing and messing up and learning from their own mistakes. No matter how much we try to protect them, they must strike out on their own. It isn't just about not wanting them to fail. There is a whole lot of ego involved. Did I do a good enough job as a parent? Have I prepared them for a world that doesn't always align with our values? If they choose different paths than the one we have guided them on so far, how does that make us look?
I do not want to see my children struggle, and by that I don't mean that they shouldn't have to work for anything. I know life is full of difficulties and hard work is character building. I just pray that they will avoid the same pit stops I made along my journey. The most important lessons I have tried to impart haven't been in reading, writing, and arithmetic. They have been about life experiences I would like them to avoid and the kind of life I, and God, would like them to pursue.
Whatever path each of my children chooses to follow, I want their choices to glorify God. I am living proof that just because a person chooses the highway to hell doesn't mean she cannot change her itinerary to take the stairway to heaven. One appears an exciting ride while the other seems like a tedious climb. If there is one thing I have learned in recent years it is the joy of not taking shortcuts. Whether it is hiking the longer, steeper trail to a magnificent view or making something beautiful and delicious from scratch, the extra time and effort is its own reward.
As I watch Nathan follow his artistic passion with enthusiasm, I am excited and afraid for him. It is joyous to see him nurture and embrace his talents. At the same time, I fear he is not prepared for how hard it is going to be to make it into a career. He has a part-time job in food service. He has just received his learner's permit. We need to teach him how to drive and how to budget wisely on very little income. He may be finished with his academic career, but our job as teachers is far from over.
Our other children still need us very much, but Nathan is a young man taking on new responsibilities. This is the part of parenting I think we can never be prepared for. I only hope experience makes it easier.
No comments from the peanut gallery, please.
What happens in that .... is a whole lot of living and growing and messing up and learning from their own mistakes. No matter how much we try to protect them, they must strike out on their own. It isn't just about not wanting them to fail. There is a whole lot of ego involved. Did I do a good enough job as a parent? Have I prepared them for a world that doesn't always align with our values? If they choose different paths than the one we have guided them on so far, how does that make us look?
I do not want to see my children struggle, and by that I don't mean that they shouldn't have to work for anything. I know life is full of difficulties and hard work is character building. I just pray that they will avoid the same pit stops I made along my journey. The most important lessons I have tried to impart haven't been in reading, writing, and arithmetic. They have been about life experiences I would like them to avoid and the kind of life I, and God, would like them to pursue.
Whatever path each of my children chooses to follow, I want their choices to glorify God. I am living proof that just because a person chooses the highway to hell doesn't mean she cannot change her itinerary to take the stairway to heaven. One appears an exciting ride while the other seems like a tedious climb. If there is one thing I have learned in recent years it is the joy of not taking shortcuts. Whether it is hiking the longer, steeper trail to a magnificent view or making something beautiful and delicious from scratch, the extra time and effort is its own reward.
As I watch Nathan follow his artistic passion with enthusiasm, I am excited and afraid for him. It is joyous to see him nurture and embrace his talents. At the same time, I fear he is not prepared for how hard it is going to be to make it into a career. He has a part-time job in food service. He has just received his learner's permit. We need to teach him how to drive and how to budget wisely on very little income. He may be finished with his academic career, but our job as teachers is far from over.
Our other children still need us very much, but Nathan is a young man taking on new responsibilities. This is the part of parenting I think we can never be prepared for. I only hope experience makes it easier.
No comments from the peanut gallery, please.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Growing Up
I am not sure if I'm ready for this. My children are growing up and reaching milestones that will require me to act like a grown up. When did I sign up for this?
We have been raising our children with the idea of courtship rather than dating. The plan is to get to know another person with the guidance of family. No going out on dates and "playing grown-up" with nothing to rein in the raging hormones but self control, which hasn't been proven to exist yet. This has all been fine in theory, but now we need to put our theory to the test. This has to do with our oldest son, who is nearly 18. At this point it is really his decision to make. This is only the second time he has expressed an interest in a girl. Both times he has wanted to introduce the girls to me immediately. Each time I get butterflies. What, exactly, is my role in this? I am happy that he wants to include me in this, or any, part of his life. However, I wonder if we have taught him all we could, or should, about pursuing a relationship with a young woman.
Have we impressed upon him the importance of respect? Respect for himself and for all other people. Have we taught him about responsibility? He doesn't have a job yet. He has dreams and ambitions but he has yet to channel these into a paying job. Have we given him a sufficient understanding of his need to be able to provide for himself and someone else before asking her to invest in him?
We are not experts in these areas. Mostly, we serve as a cautionary tale. I can tell him about the heartbreak of giving up a child I was not prepared for. We can offer our past lives as an example of the damage drugs and alcohol can do to a person-physically, emotionally, spiritually. Our financial struggles point to a path of living on credit instead of living within our means. What we are doing now, making better choices for ourselves and our children, stand as a testimony to God's healing power and forgiveness.
I guess we just have to trust that we have gotten through to him. We must pray that God will help us to be good role models from this day forward. We have done our best to protect him while still teaching him about the world in which we live. We will be here to support him as he navigates his way through the world of male/female relationships. He knows what we believe and what we want for him. He has specific plans for his life and I hope he will continue to pursue those plans. We cannot make his decisions for him but we will listen to him and pray for and with him.
Tonight, our eldest son called a girl and invited her and her family to dine with us. They have found they have common interests. Does this mean we are headed down the road of courtship? Only God knows. I pray we will have our hearts and eyes open to read all the signs He will place before us.
Growing up is scary!
We have been raising our children with the idea of courtship rather than dating. The plan is to get to know another person with the guidance of family. No going out on dates and "playing grown-up" with nothing to rein in the raging hormones but self control, which hasn't been proven to exist yet. This has all been fine in theory, but now we need to put our theory to the test. This has to do with our oldest son, who is nearly 18. At this point it is really his decision to make. This is only the second time he has expressed an interest in a girl. Both times he has wanted to introduce the girls to me immediately. Each time I get butterflies. What, exactly, is my role in this? I am happy that he wants to include me in this, or any, part of his life. However, I wonder if we have taught him all we could, or should, about pursuing a relationship with a young woman.
Have we impressed upon him the importance of respect? Respect for himself and for all other people. Have we taught him about responsibility? He doesn't have a job yet. He has dreams and ambitions but he has yet to channel these into a paying job. Have we given him a sufficient understanding of his need to be able to provide for himself and someone else before asking her to invest in him?
We are not experts in these areas. Mostly, we serve as a cautionary tale. I can tell him about the heartbreak of giving up a child I was not prepared for. We can offer our past lives as an example of the damage drugs and alcohol can do to a person-physically, emotionally, spiritually. Our financial struggles point to a path of living on credit instead of living within our means. What we are doing now, making better choices for ourselves and our children, stand as a testimony to God's healing power and forgiveness.
I guess we just have to trust that we have gotten through to him. We must pray that God will help us to be good role models from this day forward. We have done our best to protect him while still teaching him about the world in which we live. We will be here to support him as he navigates his way through the world of male/female relationships. He knows what we believe and what we want for him. He has specific plans for his life and I hope he will continue to pursue those plans. We cannot make his decisions for him but we will listen to him and pray for and with him.
Tonight, our eldest son called a girl and invited her and her family to dine with us. They have found they have common interests. Does this mean we are headed down the road of courtship? Only God knows. I pray we will have our hearts and eyes open to read all the signs He will place before us.
Growing up is scary!
Monday, March 24, 2014
Spring
I love the fall, especially here in the Pacific Northwest. There is no better season, but spring has its good points.
My birthday is right smack dab in the middle of spring. The skies are clear and blue and this lends itself to long days of hiking. The children can play outside without getting chilled, and the computers get a much-needed rest.
I also spend much less time on the internet. This translates to fewer blogs. Right now, I am sitting on my couch telling my children to get outside into the sunshine. Ridiculous! Just so I can have something posted this week. Preposterous! I am going to get off my derriere and do something offline. I'll be back to post again when the sun goes down, or when I have something worthwhile (in my mind) to say.
Now step away from your computer, and go soak up some sunshine before it goes into hiding.*
*This is specifically aimed at people located in Portland, Oregon.
My birthday is right smack dab in the middle of spring. The skies are clear and blue and this lends itself to long days of hiking. The children can play outside without getting chilled, and the computers get a much-needed rest.
I also spend much less time on the internet. This translates to fewer blogs. Right now, I am sitting on my couch telling my children to get outside into the sunshine. Ridiculous! Just so I can have something posted this week. Preposterous! I am going to get off my derriere and do something offline. I'll be back to post again when the sun goes down, or when I have something worthwhile (in my mind) to say.
Now step away from your computer, and go soak up some sunshine before it goes into hiding.*
*This is specifically aimed at people located in Portland, Oregon.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Words......
At church, we have been having a message series on words for the past few weeks. Their ability to build up or tear down. Their ability to speak truth or lies. Their ability to hurt or to heal.
We all have experience with the power of words. My mother related a story from her childhood about how the careless use of words can leave scars that never go away. I teach this to my children and I ask them to be honest with me if my words hurt them. I was bullied with words for the better part of my childhood so I am grateful to have had parents who used their words to build me up. I have used words to make someone else feel as bad as I did, and I carried that guilt around for years, until I chose to apologize.
The words we choose not to say can be just as powerful as the ones we do speak. When we choose not to say something hurtful, we choose not to plant weeds in our hearts or the hearts of others. But wouldn't it be better to say something kind rather than nothing at all? Tell people you are proud of them, or that you love them. Tell someone how much you appreciate them in your life. You might think they know, but hearing it could be the one thing that gets them through the day with a smile instead of anger.
Words of condolence can be very difficult. We all want to dispense words of wisdom that will help the bereaved through his time of grief, but we don't want to sound cliché. The perfect words that will offer comfort but not come off sounding like we know what he is going through. Profound words. Meaningful words. When we can't find the perfect words, we often say nothing. All we need to say is "I love you."
Kind and loving words are meant to be shared. Left unspoken, they can be the bitterest words of all.
We all have experience with the power of words. My mother related a story from her childhood about how the careless use of words can leave scars that never go away. I teach this to my children and I ask them to be honest with me if my words hurt them. I was bullied with words for the better part of my childhood so I am grateful to have had parents who used their words to build me up. I have used words to make someone else feel as bad as I did, and I carried that guilt around for years, until I chose to apologize.
The words we choose not to say can be just as powerful as the ones we do speak. When we choose not to say something hurtful, we choose not to plant weeds in our hearts or the hearts of others. But wouldn't it be better to say something kind rather than nothing at all? Tell people you are proud of them, or that you love them. Tell someone how much you appreciate them in your life. You might think they know, but hearing it could be the one thing that gets them through the day with a smile instead of anger.
Words of condolence can be very difficult. We all want to dispense words of wisdom that will help the bereaved through his time of grief, but we don't want to sound cliché. The perfect words that will offer comfort but not come off sounding like we know what he is going through. Profound words. Meaningful words. When we can't find the perfect words, we often say nothing. All we need to say is "I love you."
Kind and loving words are meant to be shared. Left unspoken, they can be the bitterest words of all.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Compare before you share.
At the start of this year, my husband began unfriending people on Facebook for posting/sharing "I Hate so-and-so" statuses or memes. He gave very little warning and I thought that was unfair. But today, I have decided to do something similar except that I am giving one week's notice.
My unfriending will be of people who blindly post shocking "facts" without first checking their validity. Here is the propaganda being spread as fact that sparked this housecleaning.
What are some past offenses that would now have you dropped from my list of friends? Just by way of example:
The waitress who was stiffed for being a lesbian. Not true, yet that one spread like wildfire. The retraction was not nearly as widespread as the lie. If you want to find it, read down to the 7th paragraph.
ANYTHING about a major change on Facebook. If it didn't come to you in an email or wasn't posted by the appropriate administrative section of Facebook, question it.
We are all, supposedly, intelligent human beings with the power of discernment. If not, then we know you at least have the internet and the ability to cut and paste. So cut and paste that frighteningly shocking revelation into Snopes or Google and do some research.
Believe it or not, tone is apparent. All capital letters, exclamation points, winking emoticons all get the mood across. I don't need a crystal ball to know why you are sharing this propaganda.
Some of you truly want to inform/warn people and are genuinely concerned about their well being. These will be given the benefit of the doubt and reminded to check their facts. A second infraction will be cause for removal.
Some people post these things maliciously with the intent to rile people up. Those will be unfriended immediately. Likewise for the sheep who share it because, if it is on the internet it must be true. I have no time for such ignorance.
The more unbelievable the headline, the more likely it is to not be true. I know this is not always the case. There are atrocities happening in the world every day, so it is easy to accept everything you read as fact. Do not! Be informed. Be proactive. Be a thinking person.
I know I am not faultless in this arena. I want to be told if I have jerked my knee. Don't stand on ceremony. Show me where I have erred. Then unfriend me.
My unfriending will be of people who blindly post shocking "facts" without first checking their validity. Here is the propaganda being spread as fact that sparked this housecleaning.
What are some past offenses that would now have you dropped from my list of friends? Just by way of example:
The waitress who was stiffed for being a lesbian. Not true, yet that one spread like wildfire. The retraction was not nearly as widespread as the lie. If you want to find it, read down to the 7th paragraph.
ANYTHING about a major change on Facebook. If it didn't come to you in an email or wasn't posted by the appropriate administrative section of Facebook, question it.
We are all, supposedly, intelligent human beings with the power of discernment. If not, then we know you at least have the internet and the ability to cut and paste. So cut and paste that frighteningly shocking revelation into Snopes or Google and do some research.
Believe it or not, tone is apparent. All capital letters, exclamation points, winking emoticons all get the mood across. I don't need a crystal ball to know why you are sharing this propaganda.
Some of you truly want to inform/warn people and are genuinely concerned about their well being. These will be given the benefit of the doubt and reminded to check their facts. A second infraction will be cause for removal.
Some people post these things maliciously with the intent to rile people up. Those will be unfriended immediately. Likewise for the sheep who share it because, if it is on the internet it must be true. I have no time for such ignorance.
The more unbelievable the headline, the more likely it is to not be true. I know this is not always the case. There are atrocities happening in the world every day, so it is easy to accept everything you read as fact. Do not! Be informed. Be proactive. Be a thinking person.
I know I am not faultless in this arena. I want to be told if I have jerked my knee. Don't stand on ceremony. Show me where I have erred. Then unfriend me.
Monday, March 3, 2014
I'm Kathleen and I am a baking snob
Group: "Hi, Kathleen!"
The topic of this blog may seem kind of light compared to my other posts, but I feel that it is serious and needs to be addressed. You see, aside from being very opinionated about many controversial subjects, I also happen to be an avid baker. Where I was once frightened to try anything that is not printed in my Cooking Bible According to Betty Crocker, I now seek out new ways to challenge myself in the culinary arts.
Some may say it is just me getting on my it's-only-homemade-if-it's-from-scratch high horse, but looking up recipes for cake pops is making me feel like singing a particular Patsy Cline song over and over and over and over....
Yes, I said cake pops. I told you it was serious.
Boxed cake mix is NOT, in and of itself, an ingredient. It is a handy short-cut if you are in a hurry or have no patience or skills in the baking arena. But I was specifically searching for a scratch cake pop recipe for use with my cake pop maker (C.P.M.). It is a gift from a couple of Christmases ago and I am finally ready to try it out.
I've never really trusted cake pops and have never eaten one. After a little research, I now know how they are traditionally made and I am glad that I have chosen to refrain. The idea of baking a cake with the intention of crumbing it up and mashing it together with canned frosting (EEW!) and presenting it to people as something to be ingested leaves me feeling a bit queasy. Kind of like taking the efforts of a child at his first birthday party and serving it up to your guests. I guess the only good thing you can say about these treats is that they are truly handmade.
My C.P.M. did come with an instruction book that also contains some "recipes," if you consider throwing a box of mix into a bowl with some oil and water a recipe. Pardon me. Is that my snobbery showing?
I really find something satisfying about taking a bunch of ingredients and combining them to create something delicious, and then decorating it so that people think it is too pretty to eat. But the taste is the most important part. If it tastes like cardboard, or worse, then all the frills and furbelows won't save it. To me, baking is a work of love. I do not do a lot of things exceptionally well but this is one area where I shine. So it feeds my soul to feed others. The best way for me to do this is from scratch.
Although I love to bake, I have no background in chemistry. I did not take it in high school and I don't necessarily understand how the ingredients I mix together become a cake instead of a lump of goo. Once, I forgot to add baking soda to my chocolate chip cookie dough. When I opened the oven door, I found a soupy lake in the middle of the baking sheet. I learned that baking soda is needed to make the cookies hold together and rise, but my knowledge ends there. Maybe someday I will take the time to study and understand the importance of ratios of salt and baking powder to flour, but for now I need a recipe to follow.
So I continue my search for the perfect cake pop batter recipe, from scratch. I may have hit upon a couple of ideas and now it is time to test them out. My poor family must suffer as my tasting guinea pigs. They don't mind. It's all in the name if deliciousness!
The topic of this blog may seem kind of light compared to my other posts, but I feel that it is serious and needs to be addressed. You see, aside from being very opinionated about many controversial subjects, I also happen to be an avid baker. Where I was once frightened to try anything that is not printed in my Cooking Bible According to Betty Crocker, I now seek out new ways to challenge myself in the culinary arts.
Some may say it is just me getting on my it's-only-homemade-if-it's-from-scratch high horse, but looking up recipes for cake pops is making me feel like singing a particular Patsy Cline song over and over and over and over....
Yes, I said cake pops. I told you it was serious.
Boxed cake mix is NOT, in and of itself, an ingredient. It is a handy short-cut if you are in a hurry or have no patience or skills in the baking arena. But I was specifically searching for a scratch cake pop recipe for use with my cake pop maker (C.P.M.). It is a gift from a couple of Christmases ago and I am finally ready to try it out.
I've never really trusted cake pops and have never eaten one. After a little research, I now know how they are traditionally made and I am glad that I have chosen to refrain. The idea of baking a cake with the intention of crumbing it up and mashing it together with canned frosting (EEW!) and presenting it to people as something to be ingested leaves me feeling a bit queasy. Kind of like taking the efforts of a child at his first birthday party and serving it up to your guests. I guess the only good thing you can say about these treats is that they are truly handmade.
My C.P.M. did come with an instruction book that also contains some "recipes," if you consider throwing a box of mix into a bowl with some oil and water a recipe. Pardon me. Is that my snobbery showing?
I really find something satisfying about taking a bunch of ingredients and combining them to create something delicious, and then decorating it so that people think it is too pretty to eat. But the taste is the most important part. If it tastes like cardboard, or worse, then all the frills and furbelows won't save it. To me, baking is a work of love. I do not do a lot of things exceptionally well but this is one area where I shine. So it feeds my soul to feed others. The best way for me to do this is from scratch.
Although I love to bake, I have no background in chemistry. I did not take it in high school and I don't necessarily understand how the ingredients I mix together become a cake instead of a lump of goo. Once, I forgot to add baking soda to my chocolate chip cookie dough. When I opened the oven door, I found a soupy lake in the middle of the baking sheet. I learned that baking soda is needed to make the cookies hold together and rise, but my knowledge ends there. Maybe someday I will take the time to study and understand the importance of ratios of salt and baking powder to flour, but for now I need a recipe to follow.
So I continue my search for the perfect cake pop batter recipe, from scratch. I may have hit upon a couple of ideas and now it is time to test them out. My poor family must suffer as my tasting guinea pigs. They don't mind. It's all in the name if deliciousness!
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
An honest day's work
You should never be ashamed of a job well done.
Is this true of every job?
I believe there is no shame in scrubbing toilets or scraping gum out from under tables. Working in a fast food restaurant is honest, if not well paying, work.
But what about a job that you don't tell your friends or family about? A job you are so proud of that you use a pseudonym. I am talking about the sex industry. Pornography and prostitution. Is this a field you want your children to aspire to?
I believe if everyone was completely honest, they would answer, "No." I remember hearing a bit by Chris Rock where he said, "I mean, they don't grade fathers. But if your daughter's a stripper, you f%*&#d up."
Even people who work in the industry and claim it is legitimate work, well, I cannot imagine it is truly fulfilling a lifelong dream. And if that is your lifelong dream, I would implore you to seek professional help.
Last week I read an article by a young woman who is a student at Duke University in North Carolina. She was coming out as a porn "star" because she had been recognized by a fellow student who began harassing her and revealing her secret.
She went on about how sex workers are disrespected because of what they do for a living. I think the fact that one has chosen to become a sex worker is a sign that he or she has no self respect. We teach our daughters that no one will love and respect them if they don't first love and respect themselves. She claimed that this is puritanical thinking; sexual purity is not important and sex is nothing more than a physical act.
Then why should a rape victim feel violated? It's only sex. It's not as though it means anything. While she claims that she does not participate in rape fantasy porn, she does not see a problem with feeding this fetish.
In this follow-up article, she claims that sex workers are shamed and the consumers are celebrated. Actually, I don't see this happening. In my circle of the world, pornography is as shameful for the consumer as the performer. Porn addiction is a serious problem that is tearing apart marriages. If she is right, and consumers are being lauded, then that is what needs to change and not the other way around. Don't try to tell me that the sex industry isn't revered. Mainstream movies seek to push the envelope, getting as close to porn as they can without actually getting that rating that would keep them out of the major theaters. Magazines feature models and actresses in many manners of undress, being sure to conceal just enough to keep them in the checkout lines, barely. Sex work isn't nearly as looked down upon as she'd like us to believe. Here's a thought. If people would stop supplying, the consumers wouldn't have anything to consume. But we all know that isn't going to happen. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with female sexual liberation and everything to do with playing on the sin nature of mankind-lust and greed take center stage here.
This young woman said she chose to go into porn to afford her $60,000 a year tuition. She doesn't want to graduate in debt. Well, I applaud her for this. It makes sense. I do not recall her saying what her major is, but it is obviously important enough that she is willing to sell her body to get a degree. And if she can't get a job because of her background in the sex industry, at least she won't have to worry about paying any pesky student loans. She did say that anyone who wouldn't hire her because of her previous "experience" is just discriminating.
Think about the meaning of that word. It is good to have discriminating taste, so why is it bad to discriminate when choosing who will represent your business or group? The Humane Society is not going to choose Michael Vick to be their spokesperson any more than The Right to Life League would ask the president of Planned Parenthood to represent them.
I don't know what is more upsetting: that this young lady might believe these lies she spouts or that she doesn't, and continues to do porn anyway.
Is this true of every job?
I believe there is no shame in scrubbing toilets or scraping gum out from under tables. Working in a fast food restaurant is honest, if not well paying, work.
But what about a job that you don't tell your friends or family about? A job you are so proud of that you use a pseudonym. I am talking about the sex industry. Pornography and prostitution. Is this a field you want your children to aspire to?
I believe if everyone was completely honest, they would answer, "No." I remember hearing a bit by Chris Rock where he said, "I mean, they don't grade fathers. But if your daughter's a stripper, you f%*&#d up."
Even people who work in the industry and claim it is legitimate work, well, I cannot imagine it is truly fulfilling a lifelong dream. And if that is your lifelong dream, I would implore you to seek professional help.
Last week I read an article by a young woman who is a student at Duke University in North Carolina. She was coming out as a porn "star" because she had been recognized by a fellow student who began harassing her and revealing her secret.
She went on about how sex workers are disrespected because of what they do for a living. I think the fact that one has chosen to become a sex worker is a sign that he or she has no self respect. We teach our daughters that no one will love and respect them if they don't first love and respect themselves. She claimed that this is puritanical thinking; sexual purity is not important and sex is nothing more than a physical act.
Then why should a rape victim feel violated? It's only sex. It's not as though it means anything. While she claims that she does not participate in rape fantasy porn, she does not see a problem with feeding this fetish.
In this follow-up article, she claims that sex workers are shamed and the consumers are celebrated. Actually, I don't see this happening. In my circle of the world, pornography is as shameful for the consumer as the performer. Porn addiction is a serious problem that is tearing apart marriages. If she is right, and consumers are being lauded, then that is what needs to change and not the other way around. Don't try to tell me that the sex industry isn't revered. Mainstream movies seek to push the envelope, getting as close to porn as they can without actually getting that rating that would keep them out of the major theaters. Magazines feature models and actresses in many manners of undress, being sure to conceal just enough to keep them in the checkout lines, barely. Sex work isn't nearly as looked down upon as she'd like us to believe. Here's a thought. If people would stop supplying, the consumers wouldn't have anything to consume. But we all know that isn't going to happen. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with female sexual liberation and everything to do with playing on the sin nature of mankind-lust and greed take center stage here.
This young woman said she chose to go into porn to afford her $60,000 a year tuition. She doesn't want to graduate in debt. Well, I applaud her for this. It makes sense. I do not recall her saying what her major is, but it is obviously important enough that she is willing to sell her body to get a degree. And if she can't get a job because of her background in the sex industry, at least she won't have to worry about paying any pesky student loans. She did say that anyone who wouldn't hire her because of her previous "experience" is just discriminating.
Think about the meaning of that word. It is good to have discriminating taste, so why is it bad to discriminate when choosing who will represent your business or group? The Humane Society is not going to choose Michael Vick to be their spokesperson any more than The Right to Life League would ask the president of Planned Parenthood to represent them.
I don't know what is more upsetting: that this young lady might believe these lies she spouts or that she doesn't, and continues to do porn anyway.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Complicity of Sin
This is my follow up to Now Serving Sinners.
I am a proponent of human rights. Not gay rights or women's rights but human rights, and that includes the right to not take part in activities we are morally opposed to. You probably figured I'd get around to this eventually. Yes, I'm going to talk about cake baking and gay weddings. How can I take the position I have in the above mentioned blog and still think it is okay for a baker to refuse to bake a cake for a same-sex wedding? I will try to explain, although I am sure to not satisfy everyone.
If your business is selling cars then you do not need to know what the buyer plans to use the car for. For all you know, she will drive off of your lot and straight to a hotel to meet her married lover. What if a customer walks into your dealership and says, "I want a car with enough trunk space to hold two dead bodies"? Would you feel a moral obligation to turn said person away-and to call the police, or would that be discriminating? If you own a hardware store and a man walks in off the street and says he needs 100 feet of rope and some kerosene to perform a ritual animal sacrifice, would you feel comfortable selling to him or would doing so give you a sense of complicity?
A couple owns a bakery. They have a passion for creating edible works of art. When they are hired to bake a cake for an occasion, they realize that they have been chosen to be a part of someone's special day.
Not all businesses have such a level of involvement in the lives of the people they work with. I do not expect the same level of care from the short-order cook at the local diner who makes my BLT as I would from the person making my wedding cake. I do not meet with the cook and ask for tastings and references from other people who have eaten his cooking. I do not pay hundreds of dollars for my BLT. It is lunch, not an occasion for celebrating a major life event.
When the couple is asked to make a cake for a gay wedding, they might feel like doing so would make them compliant in something they are morally opposed to. The same would be true for a florist or photographer or event planner asked to perform services for events that go against their beliefs. These people are all sinners by nature, but that does not mean they should feel compelled by the nature of their businesses to deliberately defy their beliefs.
Being a Christian means that we are sinners who have chosen to do the best we can to pattern our lives after Christ's. As I stated in my previous blog, Jesus did not turn away sinners. He embraced them. He dined with them. He stayed in their homes. But one thing I am also certain of is this.
Jesus did not partake in their sin.
He loved them, accepted them as God's children, and told them to turn from their sin. Jesus still loves us and accepts us, and He STILL implores us to turn away from our sin to be in relationship with Him. That is all any of us is trying to do. Love our neighbors as we want to be loved and build a relationship with Christ. I do not want anyone to turn a blind eye to my sin because he loves me. Love is not patting me on the back and telling me how you accept me as I walk into the fires of hell.
Instead of spouting the tired old cliché of "hate the sin, not the sinner," I say we love the sinner (meaning EVERYONE) and do our best to not be stumbling blocks to one another. Lead me not into temptation.
I am a proponent of human rights. Not gay rights or women's rights but human rights, and that includes the right to not take part in activities we are morally opposed to. You probably figured I'd get around to this eventually. Yes, I'm going to talk about cake baking and gay weddings. How can I take the position I have in the above mentioned blog and still think it is okay for a baker to refuse to bake a cake for a same-sex wedding? I will try to explain, although I am sure to not satisfy everyone.
If your business is selling cars then you do not need to know what the buyer plans to use the car for. For all you know, she will drive off of your lot and straight to a hotel to meet her married lover. What if a customer walks into your dealership and says, "I want a car with enough trunk space to hold two dead bodies"? Would you feel a moral obligation to turn said person away-and to call the police, or would that be discriminating? If you own a hardware store and a man walks in off the street and says he needs 100 feet of rope and some kerosene to perform a ritual animal sacrifice, would you feel comfortable selling to him or would doing so give you a sense of complicity?
A couple owns a bakery. They have a passion for creating edible works of art. When they are hired to bake a cake for an occasion, they realize that they have been chosen to be a part of someone's special day.
Not all businesses have such a level of involvement in the lives of the people they work with. I do not expect the same level of care from the short-order cook at the local diner who makes my BLT as I would from the person making my wedding cake. I do not meet with the cook and ask for tastings and references from other people who have eaten his cooking. I do not pay hundreds of dollars for my BLT. It is lunch, not an occasion for celebrating a major life event.
When the couple is asked to make a cake for a gay wedding, they might feel like doing so would make them compliant in something they are morally opposed to. The same would be true for a florist or photographer or event planner asked to perform services for events that go against their beliefs. These people are all sinners by nature, but that does not mean they should feel compelled by the nature of their businesses to deliberately defy their beliefs.
Being a Christian means that we are sinners who have chosen to do the best we can to pattern our lives after Christ's. As I stated in my previous blog, Jesus did not turn away sinners. He embraced them. He dined with them. He stayed in their homes. But one thing I am also certain of is this.
Jesus did not partake in their sin.
He loved them, accepted them as God's children, and told them to turn from their sin. Jesus still loves us and accepts us, and He STILL implores us to turn away from our sin to be in relationship with Him. That is all any of us is trying to do. Love our neighbors as we want to be loved and build a relationship with Christ. I do not want anyone to turn a blind eye to my sin because he loves me. Love is not patting me on the back and telling me how you accept me as I walk into the fires of hell.
Instead of spouting the tired old cliché of "hate the sin, not the sinner," I say we love the sinner (meaning EVERYONE) and do our best to not be stumbling blocks to one another. Lead me not into temptation.
Now Serving Sinners
I recently read this article about new legislation being proposed in Arizona. It would allow "business owners with strongly held religious beliefs to refuse service to gays." I am trying to wrap my head around what the proponents of this bill are trying to achieve.
Refusing to do business with someone simply because he/she is gay is discriminatory. That would be like refusing to do business with me because I have red hair. And how do you weed out whom to do business with? Does everyone have to take an oath before walking through your door, or do you have a special gay detector? Instead of the outdated, "smoking or non-smoking," will we now be greeted with, "hetero or non-hetero"? The number of businesses where ones sexual preference has any bearing on the transaction are probably very limited.
Why not do business with gays? Is it because they are sinners? I have a newsflash for you. We are all sinners! I guarantee that Jesus never turned away sinners, so claiming the Christianity defense doesn't exactly hold water. Refusing to sell a taco to someone because you don't like his brand of sin is discrimination, plain and simple. I doubt that not repairing someone's car will make him or her decide that being gay isn't worth the trouble. Maybe the proponents are hoping all the gay people will leave Arizona. Great. You've cleansed your state of all the "undesirables" and life is hunky dory!
Now, about the adulterers, liars, gossips, porn addicts, blasphemers, gluttons, and...and...and. Your "strongly held religious beliefs" include a dim view of these sins, too. This reeks of hypocrisy.
I know this doesn't sound like the typical stance most people would expect from me. At least, not those who think they know me and all Christians. Don't worry. I will not disappoint. I just chose to make the other side of my argument in another blog. Look for the flip side in Complicity of Sin.
Refusing to do business with someone simply because he/she is gay is discriminatory. That would be like refusing to do business with me because I have red hair. And how do you weed out whom to do business with? Does everyone have to take an oath before walking through your door, or do you have a special gay detector? Instead of the outdated, "smoking or non-smoking," will we now be greeted with, "hetero or non-hetero"? The number of businesses where ones sexual preference has any bearing on the transaction are probably very limited.
Why not do business with gays? Is it because they are sinners? I have a newsflash for you. We are all sinners! I guarantee that Jesus never turned away sinners, so claiming the Christianity defense doesn't exactly hold water. Refusing to sell a taco to someone because you don't like his brand of sin is discrimination, plain and simple. I doubt that not repairing someone's car will make him or her decide that being gay isn't worth the trouble. Maybe the proponents are hoping all the gay people will leave Arizona. Great. You've cleansed your state of all the "undesirables" and life is hunky dory!
Now, about the adulterers, liars, gossips, porn addicts, blasphemers, gluttons, and...and...and. Your "strongly held religious beliefs" include a dim view of these sins, too. This reeks of hypocrisy.
I know this doesn't sound like the typical stance most people would expect from me. At least, not those who think they know me and all Christians. Don't worry. I will not disappoint. I just chose to make the other side of my argument in another blog. Look for the flip side in Complicity of Sin.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
How gratifying is instant gratification?
Meet Charlie. He is 8 years old and has a non-operable brain tumor which has not responded to radiation or chemotherapy. Charlie is going to die next Monday.
He is not old enough to die for his country, vote, or sign a legally binding agreement, yet the choice of when he will die has been given to him.
Ridiculous, right? Not in Belgium.
Charlie is not an actual person. I made him up, but that doesn't mean there aren't children like him. The Belgian Parliament has voted in favor of euthanasia without age limits. Congratulations, Belgium! You should be proud of your progressive ideas. BLECH!
I was reading this to my husband, and David (11) was listening in. He asked where the children go after they die. I said that children go to heaven because all the children belong to God. David said, "Oh, because they're not old enough to choose for themselves."
Brilliant!
If a child has not reached the age of consent and isn't old enough to make a decision for Christ-with a full understanding of what that means-how can he or she choose to die?
I do not mean to belittle their pain. It is not fair for a child to suffer constantly or to have to live in a drug-induced haze. Still, I think I would do anything to fight for the lives of my children. I understand depression can also be physically painful, yet suicide is illegal. I know adults who live in constant pain, either from injuries or illness, who would probably prefer to die at times, but they learn to deal with/manage/suffer through it because death is so permanent.
But if they are going to die anyway, why not relieve them of their suffering?
We are all going to die anyway. Does this mean we should just give up at the first sign of difficulty or pain? Or even the second or the hundredth? One thing children have trouble grasping is "tomorrow". They want what they want, and they want it NOW! They can't see past the moment they are in. It is up to the adults to guide them to this understanding, with patience and love.
When my autistic son requests something that he must wait for, I try to teach him how to wait. I give him a timeline of what must happen first. Sometimes he doesn't get what he wants at school because he didn't do his work. He may cry, or even throw a fit. His teacher doesn't give in to him. She explains that he has another day to "try again tomorrow."
I know I am not talking about life and death decisions here. But try reasoning with an autistic child who has difficulty communicating his wants and needs. This is no easy task. It must be a billion times more difficult for parents watching their child suffer in pain. I'd like to believe that I would work to instill hope in my children instead of giving them the option to end it all.
Toaster waffles
Microwave popcorn
Movies on demand
Instant pain relief
Death by request
We've come a long way, but to what end?
He is not old enough to die for his country, vote, or sign a legally binding agreement, yet the choice of when he will die has been given to him.
Ridiculous, right? Not in Belgium.
Charlie is not an actual person. I made him up, but that doesn't mean there aren't children like him. The Belgian Parliament has voted in favor of euthanasia without age limits. Congratulations, Belgium! You should be proud of your progressive ideas. BLECH!
I was reading this to my husband, and David (11) was listening in. He asked where the children go after they die. I said that children go to heaven because all the children belong to God. David said, "Oh, because they're not old enough to choose for themselves."
Brilliant!
If a child has not reached the age of consent and isn't old enough to make a decision for Christ-with a full understanding of what that means-how can he or she choose to die?
I do not mean to belittle their pain. It is not fair for a child to suffer constantly or to have to live in a drug-induced haze. Still, I think I would do anything to fight for the lives of my children. I understand depression can also be physically painful, yet suicide is illegal. I know adults who live in constant pain, either from injuries or illness, who would probably prefer to die at times, but they learn to deal with/manage/suffer through it because death is so permanent.
But if they are going to die anyway, why not relieve them of their suffering?
We are all going to die anyway. Does this mean we should just give up at the first sign of difficulty or pain? Or even the second or the hundredth? One thing children have trouble grasping is "tomorrow". They want what they want, and they want it NOW! They can't see past the moment they are in. It is up to the adults to guide them to this understanding, with patience and love.
When my autistic son requests something that he must wait for, I try to teach him how to wait. I give him a timeline of what must happen first. Sometimes he doesn't get what he wants at school because he didn't do his work. He may cry, or even throw a fit. His teacher doesn't give in to him. She explains that he has another day to "try again tomorrow."
I know I am not talking about life and death decisions here. But try reasoning with an autistic child who has difficulty communicating his wants and needs. This is no easy task. It must be a billion times more difficult for parents watching their child suffer in pain. I'd like to believe that I would work to instill hope in my children instead of giving them the option to end it all.
Toaster waffles
Microwave popcorn
Movies on demand
Instant pain relief
Death by request
We've come a long way, but to what end?
Thursday, February 13, 2014
No. Life Is Not Fair.
This is a true story about young woman I know. I'll call her Jane. She has a couple of children. One whom she gave up custody of, and a younger one I'll call Joe. Jane and Joe were homeless. They had friends who helped house them until they could get into a shelter. Jane was dating a man I'll call Josh. Josh was in a similar living situation as Jane and he suffered with mental health issues. Jane said she was in love with Josh and wanted to have a baby with him. Her friends tried to discourage this but to no avail. Recently, Jane gave birth to a healthy baby girl. I pray for their well-being.
This morning I woke up to read a Facebook update telling of a couple who just said good-bye to their 25 day old son. He was born at 24 weeks gestation, just 3 weeks after his twin sister had died from her premature birth. These are not the first two children they have lost. I know how painful the repeated loss of babies/infants can be and my heart aches for this couple.
When Caleb died, Mary became very ill. Despite her involvement in a children's grief support group, she did not know how to work through her feelings of grief and she contracted pneumonia. The following year when my mom died, Mary started having other physical manifestations of her grief. We took her to the doctor who told us there was nothing physically wrong with her. He suggested we help her find an outlet for her feelings. We encouraged her to express herself through her creativity-poetry, music, art. This seemed to help some but now her symptoms are back in full force. I took her aside and told her that she would be better if she would express her feelings. Then she told me that she goes out into the backyard and thinks about the people she loves and it reminds her of things that make her sad. Then she literally broke down in my arms. She cried harder than I have ever seen any of my children cry. We cried together. This pain goes deeper than anything physical. There is no cast or surgery to fix what is wrong. Mary will have to allow herself to experience the pain and fear she is fighting to hold back. She has agreed to talk to a counselor to see if that will help, so we have a plan to help her move forward and not stay stuck in her grief.
Life is unfair. No parent should have to bury a child. No child should have to deal with so much grief. I find comfort in God's promises, otherwise I would spend my days cursing the wind. Without the hope I have in the resurrection of Christ, I would find no reason to carry on in the face of so much pain and heartache. I do not believe that God makes bad things happen. I know that He wants us to call on Him when they do. He always answers.
This morning I woke up to read a Facebook update telling of a couple who just said good-bye to their 25 day old son. He was born at 24 weeks gestation, just 3 weeks after his twin sister had died from her premature birth. These are not the first two children they have lost. I know how painful the repeated loss of babies/infants can be and my heart aches for this couple.
When Caleb died, Mary became very ill. Despite her involvement in a children's grief support group, she did not know how to work through her feelings of grief and she contracted pneumonia. The following year when my mom died, Mary started having other physical manifestations of her grief. We took her to the doctor who told us there was nothing physically wrong with her. He suggested we help her find an outlet for her feelings. We encouraged her to express herself through her creativity-poetry, music, art. This seemed to help some but now her symptoms are back in full force. I took her aside and told her that she would be better if she would express her feelings. Then she told me that she goes out into the backyard and thinks about the people she loves and it reminds her of things that make her sad. Then she literally broke down in my arms. She cried harder than I have ever seen any of my children cry. We cried together. This pain goes deeper than anything physical. There is no cast or surgery to fix what is wrong. Mary will have to allow herself to experience the pain and fear she is fighting to hold back. She has agreed to talk to a counselor to see if that will help, so we have a plan to help her move forward and not stay stuck in her grief.
Life is unfair. No parent should have to bury a child. No child should have to deal with so much grief. I find comfort in God's promises, otherwise I would spend my days cursing the wind. Without the hope I have in the resurrection of Christ, I would find no reason to carry on in the face of so much pain and heartache. I do not believe that God makes bad things happen. I know that He wants us to call on Him when they do. He always answers.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Let Me Tell You What I Despise About Valentine's Day
Who is really celebrating the life of Saint Valentine on SAINT Valentine's Day? Even in my 10 years of Catholic schooling, I do not recall learning anything about Saint Valentine. I DO remember a really cool craft that Kristie Allen's mom came to teach all of us, and I looked it up online and duplicated it for Nathan's preschool class. I also remember being told that we didn't have to bring a valentine for everyone. Did some of us feel excluded? Yes. Were we forever scarred? Let's just say you don't easily forget only receiving 5 valentines in a class of 25 students.
Pity party over. Don't forget your goody bag.
Instead of focusing on what I don't know about Saint Valentine, I will get to the heart of my problem with this "holiday" besides the fact that it's not really a holiday when you have to go to school/work.
The big push on Valentine's Day is romantic love. What is this romance? Here is how Merriam-Webster defines romance:
1 a (1) : a medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural (2) : a prose narrative treating imaginary characters involved in events remote in time or place and usually heroic, adventurous, or mysterious (3) : a love story especially in the form of a novel
2 : something (as an extravagant story or account) that lacks basis in fact
3 : an emotional attraction or aura belonging to an especially heroic era, adventure, or activity
Legend. Imaginary characters. Lacks basis in fact. An emotional attraction. I'm noticing a trend here. Romantic love is a nice idea but when we measure reality against fantasy.... Well, we've all seen the video of the photo shopped model. Romantic love is to healthy, mature relationships what photo shop is to the self-esteem of young girls.
Legend. Imaginary characters. Lacks basis in fact. An emotional attraction. I'm noticing a trend here. Romantic love is a nice idea but when we measure reality against fantasy.... Well, we've all seen the video of the photo shopped model. Romantic love is to healthy, mature relationships what photo shop is to the self-esteem of young girls.
Besides being unrealistic, romantic love is far from the most important kind of love. Valentine's Day, as it is celebrated today, steers clear of three very important (and all-encompassing) types of love: philia-love for your fellow man, storge-love for your family, and agape-sacrificial love. Instead, the main focus is on eros-physical, sensual love.
There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends.
Honor your father and your mother.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
Love your enemies.
The idea is not to "romance" your neighbors or enemies. If I do not send flowers to my friends, they don't question my feelings for them. My family doesn't need me to buy them gifts to be assured of my love for them. I like to keep it simple. I TELL them that I love them. I am available to them. I do things to brighten their days. I pray for them. I treat them how I want to be treated. I would die for my loved ones.
Valentine's Day is like the restricted country club of holidays. If you don't have eros love in your life, then just keep moving. There's nothing for you here. This leaves many people feeling alone and depressed and, possibly, seeking a false sense of physical love. They forget all of the other kinds of love they have in their lives, and these are no less important. In fact, without storge, agape, and philia, we may never find meaningful eros. Only lust, and that has NOTHING to do with love.
Valentine's Day is like the restricted country club of holidays. If you don't have eros love in your life, then just keep moving. There's nothing for you here. This leaves many people feeling alone and depressed and, possibly, seeking a false sense of physical love. They forget all of the other kinds of love they have in their lives, and these are no less important. In fact, without storge, agape, and philia, we may never find meaningful eros. Only lust, and that has NOTHING to do with love.
We should tell the people in our lives that we love them. Do a random act of kindness for a stranger to show him he is loved. Love yourselves. If you won't, why would anyone else? After all, Christ thought you were "to die for."
Love is a decision we make every day. To love or not to love. The choice is yours. Real love is not based on emotions or a date on the calendar. We don't need a made up holiday to remind us that we have love.
P.S. If you are married or seriously dating, please do not let your happiness or the well being of your relationship hinge on what your partner does or doesn't do for you on Valentine's Day. If you do, then it might be time to re-examine your priorities.
P.S. If you are married or seriously dating, please do not let your happiness or the well being of your relationship hinge on what your partner does or doesn't do for you on Valentine's Day. If you do, then it might be time to re-examine your priorities.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
How Do I Love Thee?
Winter.
I love this time of year. The crispness of fall has turned into the chill of winter. The colors of autumn have given way to bare branches. Like watching a baby sleep, it is calming to see the earth in this state of rest.
Snow.
I love the way it makes the world look like a fresh, clean slate, blanketed in silence. Watching the seemingly weightless flakes fall gently to the ground, or being swept up by the wind, swirling like a magical flourish. It gives me a feeling of peace and serenity.
Oregon.
God has blessed us with this beautiful country. So much of Oregon is untouched by man's development. We get to enjoy the coast, rivers, waterfalls, and mountains. The fresh food brought forth from the land. I love this place we get to call home.
I love this time of year. The crispness of fall has turned into the chill of winter. The colors of autumn have given way to bare branches. Like watching a baby sleep, it is calming to see the earth in this state of rest.
Snow.
I love the way it makes the world look like a fresh, clean slate, blanketed in silence. Watching the seemingly weightless flakes fall gently to the ground, or being swept up by the wind, swirling like a magical flourish. It gives me a feeling of peace and serenity.
Oregon.
God has blessed us with this beautiful country. So much of Oregon is untouched by man's development. We get to enjoy the coast, rivers, waterfalls, and mountains. The fresh food brought forth from the land. I love this place we get to call home.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Lookie what I found!
It's my blog. We've been absent from one another for so long that I almost completely forgot where it was.
Since we were last together a LOT has happened. Matt began that new job and is now the IT manager at the same company. I picked up a new full-time childcare client in the fall of 2012 and we are still going strong. I have been baking cakes for donations to cancer research and to help people with cancer-related bills. I joined a weight loss/fitness challenge and lost over 40 pounds, maintaining about 30 pounds of that loss. I haven't been doing my comedy but am still writing jokes for when I feel like getting back on stage. I have also taken up running and have three races lined up for this year, so far.
It's been a busy three years and I look forward to getting back to blogging more often.
And it might be time to update my header photo.
Since we were last together a LOT has happened. Matt began that new job and is now the IT manager at the same company. I picked up a new full-time childcare client in the fall of 2012 and we are still going strong. I have been baking cakes for donations to cancer research and to help people with cancer-related bills. I joined a weight loss/fitness challenge and lost over 40 pounds, maintaining about 30 pounds of that loss. I haven't been doing my comedy but am still writing jokes for when I feel like getting back on stage. I have also taken up running and have three races lined up for this year, so far.
It's been a busy three years and I look forward to getting back to blogging more often.
And it might be time to update my header photo.
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