You should never be ashamed of a job well done.
Is this true of every job?
I believe there is no shame in scrubbing toilets or scraping gum out from under tables. Working in a fast food restaurant is honest, if not well paying, work.
But what about a job that you don't tell your friends or family about? A job you are so proud of that you use a pseudonym. I am talking about the sex industry. Pornography and prostitution. Is this a field you want your children to aspire to?
I believe if everyone was completely honest, they would answer, "No." I remember hearing a bit by Chris Rock where he said, "I mean, they don't grade fathers. But if your daughter's a stripper, you f%*&#d up."
Even people who work in the industry and claim it is legitimate work, well, I cannot imagine it is truly fulfilling a lifelong dream. And if that is your lifelong dream, I would implore you to seek professional help.
Last week I read an article by a young woman who is a student at Duke University in North Carolina. She was coming out as a porn "star" because she had been recognized by a fellow student who began harassing her and revealing her secret.
She went on about how sex workers are disrespected because of what they do for a living. I think the fact that one has chosen to become a sex worker is a sign that he or she has no self respect. We teach our daughters that no one will love and respect them if they don't first love and respect themselves. She claimed that this is puritanical thinking; sexual purity is not important and sex is nothing more than a physical act.
Then why should a rape victim feel violated? It's only sex. It's not as though it means anything. While she claims that she does not participate in rape fantasy porn, she does not see a problem with feeding this fetish.
In this follow-up article, she claims that sex workers are shamed and the consumers are celebrated. Actually, I don't see this happening. In my circle of the world, pornography is as shameful for the consumer as the performer. Porn addiction is a serious problem that is tearing apart marriages. If she is right, and consumers are being lauded, then that is what needs to change and not the other way around. Don't try to tell me that the sex industry isn't revered. Mainstream movies seek to push the envelope, getting as close to porn as they can without actually getting that rating that would keep them out of the major theaters. Magazines feature models and actresses in many manners of undress, being sure to conceal just enough to keep them in the checkout lines, barely. Sex work isn't nearly as looked down upon as she'd like us to believe. Here's a thought. If people would stop supplying, the consumers wouldn't have anything to consume. But we all know that isn't going to happen. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with female sexual liberation and everything to do with playing on the sin nature of mankind-lust and greed take center stage here.
This young woman said she chose to go into porn to afford her $60,000 a year tuition. She doesn't want to graduate in debt. Well, I applaud her for this. It makes sense. I do not recall her saying what her major is, but it is obviously important enough that she is willing to sell her body to get a degree. And if she can't get a job because of her background in the sex industry, at least she won't have to worry about paying any pesky student loans. She did say that anyone who wouldn't hire her because of her previous "experience" is just discriminating.
Think about the meaning of that word. It is good to have discriminating taste, so why is it bad to discriminate when choosing who will represent your business or group? The Humane Society is not going to choose Michael Vick to be their spokesperson any more than The Right to Life League would ask the president of Planned Parenthood to represent them.
I don't know what is more upsetting: that this young lady might believe these lies she spouts or that she doesn't, and continues to do porn anyway.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
Complicity of Sin
This is my follow up to Now Serving Sinners.
I am a proponent of human rights. Not gay rights or women's rights but human rights, and that includes the right to not take part in activities we are morally opposed to. You probably figured I'd get around to this eventually. Yes, I'm going to talk about cake baking and gay weddings. How can I take the position I have in the above mentioned blog and still think it is okay for a baker to refuse to bake a cake for a same-sex wedding? I will try to explain, although I am sure to not satisfy everyone.
If your business is selling cars then you do not need to know what the buyer plans to use the car for. For all you know, she will drive off of your lot and straight to a hotel to meet her married lover. What if a customer walks into your dealership and says, "I want a car with enough trunk space to hold two dead bodies"? Would you feel a moral obligation to turn said person away-and to call the police, or would that be discriminating? If you own a hardware store and a man walks in off the street and says he needs 100 feet of rope and some kerosene to perform a ritual animal sacrifice, would you feel comfortable selling to him or would doing so give you a sense of complicity?
A couple owns a bakery. They have a passion for creating edible works of art. When they are hired to bake a cake for an occasion, they realize that they have been chosen to be a part of someone's special day.
Not all businesses have such a level of involvement in the lives of the people they work with. I do not expect the same level of care from the short-order cook at the local diner who makes my BLT as I would from the person making my wedding cake. I do not meet with the cook and ask for tastings and references from other people who have eaten his cooking. I do not pay hundreds of dollars for my BLT. It is lunch, not an occasion for celebrating a major life event.
When the couple is asked to make a cake for a gay wedding, they might feel like doing so would make them compliant in something they are morally opposed to. The same would be true for a florist or photographer or event planner asked to perform services for events that go against their beliefs. These people are all sinners by nature, but that does not mean they should feel compelled by the nature of their businesses to deliberately defy their beliefs.
Being a Christian means that we are sinners who have chosen to do the best we can to pattern our lives after Christ's. As I stated in my previous blog, Jesus did not turn away sinners. He embraced them. He dined with them. He stayed in their homes. But one thing I am also certain of is this.
Jesus did not partake in their sin.
He loved them, accepted them as God's children, and told them to turn from their sin. Jesus still loves us and accepts us, and He STILL implores us to turn away from our sin to be in relationship with Him. That is all any of us is trying to do. Love our neighbors as we want to be loved and build a relationship with Christ. I do not want anyone to turn a blind eye to my sin because he loves me. Love is not patting me on the back and telling me how you accept me as I walk into the fires of hell.
Instead of spouting the tired old cliché of "hate the sin, not the sinner," I say we love the sinner (meaning EVERYONE) and do our best to not be stumbling blocks to one another. Lead me not into temptation.
I am a proponent of human rights. Not gay rights or women's rights but human rights, and that includes the right to not take part in activities we are morally opposed to. You probably figured I'd get around to this eventually. Yes, I'm going to talk about cake baking and gay weddings. How can I take the position I have in the above mentioned blog and still think it is okay for a baker to refuse to bake a cake for a same-sex wedding? I will try to explain, although I am sure to not satisfy everyone.
If your business is selling cars then you do not need to know what the buyer plans to use the car for. For all you know, she will drive off of your lot and straight to a hotel to meet her married lover. What if a customer walks into your dealership and says, "I want a car with enough trunk space to hold two dead bodies"? Would you feel a moral obligation to turn said person away-and to call the police, or would that be discriminating? If you own a hardware store and a man walks in off the street and says he needs 100 feet of rope and some kerosene to perform a ritual animal sacrifice, would you feel comfortable selling to him or would doing so give you a sense of complicity?
A couple owns a bakery. They have a passion for creating edible works of art. When they are hired to bake a cake for an occasion, they realize that they have been chosen to be a part of someone's special day.
Not all businesses have such a level of involvement in the lives of the people they work with. I do not expect the same level of care from the short-order cook at the local diner who makes my BLT as I would from the person making my wedding cake. I do not meet with the cook and ask for tastings and references from other people who have eaten his cooking. I do not pay hundreds of dollars for my BLT. It is lunch, not an occasion for celebrating a major life event.
When the couple is asked to make a cake for a gay wedding, they might feel like doing so would make them compliant in something they are morally opposed to. The same would be true for a florist or photographer or event planner asked to perform services for events that go against their beliefs. These people are all sinners by nature, but that does not mean they should feel compelled by the nature of their businesses to deliberately defy their beliefs.
Being a Christian means that we are sinners who have chosen to do the best we can to pattern our lives after Christ's. As I stated in my previous blog, Jesus did not turn away sinners. He embraced them. He dined with them. He stayed in their homes. But one thing I am also certain of is this.
Jesus did not partake in their sin.
He loved them, accepted them as God's children, and told them to turn from their sin. Jesus still loves us and accepts us, and He STILL implores us to turn away from our sin to be in relationship with Him. That is all any of us is trying to do. Love our neighbors as we want to be loved and build a relationship with Christ. I do not want anyone to turn a blind eye to my sin because he loves me. Love is not patting me on the back and telling me how you accept me as I walk into the fires of hell.
Instead of spouting the tired old cliché of "hate the sin, not the sinner," I say we love the sinner (meaning EVERYONE) and do our best to not be stumbling blocks to one another. Lead me not into temptation.
Now Serving Sinners
I recently read this article about new legislation being proposed in Arizona. It would allow "business owners with strongly held religious beliefs to refuse service to gays." I am trying to wrap my head around what the proponents of this bill are trying to achieve.
Refusing to do business with someone simply because he/she is gay is discriminatory. That would be like refusing to do business with me because I have red hair. And how do you weed out whom to do business with? Does everyone have to take an oath before walking through your door, or do you have a special gay detector? Instead of the outdated, "smoking or non-smoking," will we now be greeted with, "hetero or non-hetero"? The number of businesses where ones sexual preference has any bearing on the transaction are probably very limited.
Why not do business with gays? Is it because they are sinners? I have a newsflash for you. We are all sinners! I guarantee that Jesus never turned away sinners, so claiming the Christianity defense doesn't exactly hold water. Refusing to sell a taco to someone because you don't like his brand of sin is discrimination, plain and simple. I doubt that not repairing someone's car will make him or her decide that being gay isn't worth the trouble. Maybe the proponents are hoping all the gay people will leave Arizona. Great. You've cleansed your state of all the "undesirables" and life is hunky dory!
Now, about the adulterers, liars, gossips, porn addicts, blasphemers, gluttons, and...and...and. Your "strongly held religious beliefs" include a dim view of these sins, too. This reeks of hypocrisy.
I know this doesn't sound like the typical stance most people would expect from me. At least, not those who think they know me and all Christians. Don't worry. I will not disappoint. I just chose to make the other side of my argument in another blog. Look for the flip side in Complicity of Sin.
Refusing to do business with someone simply because he/she is gay is discriminatory. That would be like refusing to do business with me because I have red hair. And how do you weed out whom to do business with? Does everyone have to take an oath before walking through your door, or do you have a special gay detector? Instead of the outdated, "smoking or non-smoking," will we now be greeted with, "hetero or non-hetero"? The number of businesses where ones sexual preference has any bearing on the transaction are probably very limited.
Why not do business with gays? Is it because they are sinners? I have a newsflash for you. We are all sinners! I guarantee that Jesus never turned away sinners, so claiming the Christianity defense doesn't exactly hold water. Refusing to sell a taco to someone because you don't like his brand of sin is discrimination, plain and simple. I doubt that not repairing someone's car will make him or her decide that being gay isn't worth the trouble. Maybe the proponents are hoping all the gay people will leave Arizona. Great. You've cleansed your state of all the "undesirables" and life is hunky dory!
Now, about the adulterers, liars, gossips, porn addicts, blasphemers, gluttons, and...and...and. Your "strongly held religious beliefs" include a dim view of these sins, too. This reeks of hypocrisy.
I know this doesn't sound like the typical stance most people would expect from me. At least, not those who think they know me and all Christians. Don't worry. I will not disappoint. I just chose to make the other side of my argument in another blog. Look for the flip side in Complicity of Sin.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
How gratifying is instant gratification?
Meet Charlie. He is 8 years old and has a non-operable brain tumor which has not responded to radiation or chemotherapy. Charlie is going to die next Monday.
He is not old enough to die for his country, vote, or sign a legally binding agreement, yet the choice of when he will die has been given to him.
Ridiculous, right? Not in Belgium.
Charlie is not an actual person. I made him up, but that doesn't mean there aren't children like him. The Belgian Parliament has voted in favor of euthanasia without age limits. Congratulations, Belgium! You should be proud of your progressive ideas. BLECH!
I was reading this to my husband, and David (11) was listening in. He asked where the children go after they die. I said that children go to heaven because all the children belong to God. David said, "Oh, because they're not old enough to choose for themselves."
Brilliant!
If a child has not reached the age of consent and isn't old enough to make a decision for Christ-with a full understanding of what that means-how can he or she choose to die?
I do not mean to belittle their pain. It is not fair for a child to suffer constantly or to have to live in a drug-induced haze. Still, I think I would do anything to fight for the lives of my children. I understand depression can also be physically painful, yet suicide is illegal. I know adults who live in constant pain, either from injuries or illness, who would probably prefer to die at times, but they learn to deal with/manage/suffer through it because death is so permanent.
But if they are going to die anyway, why not relieve them of their suffering?
We are all going to die anyway. Does this mean we should just give up at the first sign of difficulty or pain? Or even the second or the hundredth? One thing children have trouble grasping is "tomorrow". They want what they want, and they want it NOW! They can't see past the moment they are in. It is up to the adults to guide them to this understanding, with patience and love.
When my autistic son requests something that he must wait for, I try to teach him how to wait. I give him a timeline of what must happen first. Sometimes he doesn't get what he wants at school because he didn't do his work. He may cry, or even throw a fit. His teacher doesn't give in to him. She explains that he has another day to "try again tomorrow."
I know I am not talking about life and death decisions here. But try reasoning with an autistic child who has difficulty communicating his wants and needs. This is no easy task. It must be a billion times more difficult for parents watching their child suffer in pain. I'd like to believe that I would work to instill hope in my children instead of giving them the option to end it all.
Toaster waffles
Microwave popcorn
Movies on demand
Instant pain relief
Death by request
We've come a long way, but to what end?
He is not old enough to die for his country, vote, or sign a legally binding agreement, yet the choice of when he will die has been given to him.
Ridiculous, right? Not in Belgium.
Charlie is not an actual person. I made him up, but that doesn't mean there aren't children like him. The Belgian Parliament has voted in favor of euthanasia without age limits. Congratulations, Belgium! You should be proud of your progressive ideas. BLECH!
I was reading this to my husband, and David (11) was listening in. He asked where the children go after they die. I said that children go to heaven because all the children belong to God. David said, "Oh, because they're not old enough to choose for themselves."
Brilliant!
If a child has not reached the age of consent and isn't old enough to make a decision for Christ-with a full understanding of what that means-how can he or she choose to die?
I do not mean to belittle their pain. It is not fair for a child to suffer constantly or to have to live in a drug-induced haze. Still, I think I would do anything to fight for the lives of my children. I understand depression can also be physically painful, yet suicide is illegal. I know adults who live in constant pain, either from injuries or illness, who would probably prefer to die at times, but they learn to deal with/manage/suffer through it because death is so permanent.
But if they are going to die anyway, why not relieve them of their suffering?
We are all going to die anyway. Does this mean we should just give up at the first sign of difficulty or pain? Or even the second or the hundredth? One thing children have trouble grasping is "tomorrow". They want what they want, and they want it NOW! They can't see past the moment they are in. It is up to the adults to guide them to this understanding, with patience and love.
When my autistic son requests something that he must wait for, I try to teach him how to wait. I give him a timeline of what must happen first. Sometimes he doesn't get what he wants at school because he didn't do his work. He may cry, or even throw a fit. His teacher doesn't give in to him. She explains that he has another day to "try again tomorrow."
I know I am not talking about life and death decisions here. But try reasoning with an autistic child who has difficulty communicating his wants and needs. This is no easy task. It must be a billion times more difficult for parents watching their child suffer in pain. I'd like to believe that I would work to instill hope in my children instead of giving them the option to end it all.
Toaster waffles
Microwave popcorn
Movies on demand
Instant pain relief
Death by request
We've come a long way, but to what end?
Thursday, February 13, 2014
No. Life Is Not Fair.
This is a true story about young woman I know. I'll call her Jane. She has a couple of children. One whom she gave up custody of, and a younger one I'll call Joe. Jane and Joe were homeless. They had friends who helped house them until they could get into a shelter. Jane was dating a man I'll call Josh. Josh was in a similar living situation as Jane and he suffered with mental health issues. Jane said she was in love with Josh and wanted to have a baby with him. Her friends tried to discourage this but to no avail. Recently, Jane gave birth to a healthy baby girl. I pray for their well-being.
This morning I woke up to read a Facebook update telling of a couple who just said good-bye to their 25 day old son. He was born at 24 weeks gestation, just 3 weeks after his twin sister had died from her premature birth. These are not the first two children they have lost. I know how painful the repeated loss of babies/infants can be and my heart aches for this couple.
When Caleb died, Mary became very ill. Despite her involvement in a children's grief support group, she did not know how to work through her feelings of grief and she contracted pneumonia. The following year when my mom died, Mary started having other physical manifestations of her grief. We took her to the doctor who told us there was nothing physically wrong with her. He suggested we help her find an outlet for her feelings. We encouraged her to express herself through her creativity-poetry, music, art. This seemed to help some but now her symptoms are back in full force. I took her aside and told her that she would be better if she would express her feelings. Then she told me that she goes out into the backyard and thinks about the people she loves and it reminds her of things that make her sad. Then she literally broke down in my arms. She cried harder than I have ever seen any of my children cry. We cried together. This pain goes deeper than anything physical. There is no cast or surgery to fix what is wrong. Mary will have to allow herself to experience the pain and fear she is fighting to hold back. She has agreed to talk to a counselor to see if that will help, so we have a plan to help her move forward and not stay stuck in her grief.
Life is unfair. No parent should have to bury a child. No child should have to deal with so much grief. I find comfort in God's promises, otherwise I would spend my days cursing the wind. Without the hope I have in the resurrection of Christ, I would find no reason to carry on in the face of so much pain and heartache. I do not believe that God makes bad things happen. I know that He wants us to call on Him when they do. He always answers.
This morning I woke up to read a Facebook update telling of a couple who just said good-bye to their 25 day old son. He was born at 24 weeks gestation, just 3 weeks after his twin sister had died from her premature birth. These are not the first two children they have lost. I know how painful the repeated loss of babies/infants can be and my heart aches for this couple.
When Caleb died, Mary became very ill. Despite her involvement in a children's grief support group, she did not know how to work through her feelings of grief and she contracted pneumonia. The following year when my mom died, Mary started having other physical manifestations of her grief. We took her to the doctor who told us there was nothing physically wrong with her. He suggested we help her find an outlet for her feelings. We encouraged her to express herself through her creativity-poetry, music, art. This seemed to help some but now her symptoms are back in full force. I took her aside and told her that she would be better if she would express her feelings. Then she told me that she goes out into the backyard and thinks about the people she loves and it reminds her of things that make her sad. Then she literally broke down in my arms. She cried harder than I have ever seen any of my children cry. We cried together. This pain goes deeper than anything physical. There is no cast or surgery to fix what is wrong. Mary will have to allow herself to experience the pain and fear she is fighting to hold back. She has agreed to talk to a counselor to see if that will help, so we have a plan to help her move forward and not stay stuck in her grief.
Life is unfair. No parent should have to bury a child. No child should have to deal with so much grief. I find comfort in God's promises, otherwise I would spend my days cursing the wind. Without the hope I have in the resurrection of Christ, I would find no reason to carry on in the face of so much pain and heartache. I do not believe that God makes bad things happen. I know that He wants us to call on Him when they do. He always answers.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Let Me Tell You What I Despise About Valentine's Day
Who is really celebrating the life of Saint Valentine on SAINT Valentine's Day? Even in my 10 years of Catholic schooling, I do not recall learning anything about Saint Valentine. I DO remember a really cool craft that Kristie Allen's mom came to teach all of us, and I looked it up online and duplicated it for Nathan's preschool class. I also remember being told that we didn't have to bring a valentine for everyone. Did some of us feel excluded? Yes. Were we forever scarred? Let's just say you don't easily forget only receiving 5 valentines in a class of 25 students.
Pity party over. Don't forget your goody bag.
Instead of focusing on what I don't know about Saint Valentine, I will get to the heart of my problem with this "holiday" besides the fact that it's not really a holiday when you have to go to school/work.
The big push on Valentine's Day is romantic love. What is this romance? Here is how Merriam-Webster defines romance:
1 a (1) : a medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural (2) : a prose narrative treating imaginary characters involved in events remote in time or place and usually heroic, adventurous, or mysterious (3) : a love story especially in the form of a novel
2 : something (as an extravagant story or account) that lacks basis in fact
3 : an emotional attraction or aura belonging to an especially heroic era, adventure, or activity
Legend. Imaginary characters. Lacks basis in fact. An emotional attraction. I'm noticing a trend here. Romantic love is a nice idea but when we measure reality against fantasy.... Well, we've all seen the video of the photo shopped model. Romantic love is to healthy, mature relationships what photo shop is to the self-esteem of young girls.
Legend. Imaginary characters. Lacks basis in fact. An emotional attraction. I'm noticing a trend here. Romantic love is a nice idea but when we measure reality against fantasy.... Well, we've all seen the video of the photo shopped model. Romantic love is to healthy, mature relationships what photo shop is to the self-esteem of young girls.
Besides being unrealistic, romantic love is far from the most important kind of love. Valentine's Day, as it is celebrated today, steers clear of three very important (and all-encompassing) types of love: philia-love for your fellow man, storge-love for your family, and agape-sacrificial love. Instead, the main focus is on eros-physical, sensual love.
There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends.
Honor your father and your mother.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
Love your enemies.
The idea is not to "romance" your neighbors or enemies. If I do not send flowers to my friends, they don't question my feelings for them. My family doesn't need me to buy them gifts to be assured of my love for them. I like to keep it simple. I TELL them that I love them. I am available to them. I do things to brighten their days. I pray for them. I treat them how I want to be treated. I would die for my loved ones.
Valentine's Day is like the restricted country club of holidays. If you don't have eros love in your life, then just keep moving. There's nothing for you here. This leaves many people feeling alone and depressed and, possibly, seeking a false sense of physical love. They forget all of the other kinds of love they have in their lives, and these are no less important. In fact, without storge, agape, and philia, we may never find meaningful eros. Only lust, and that has NOTHING to do with love.
Valentine's Day is like the restricted country club of holidays. If you don't have eros love in your life, then just keep moving. There's nothing for you here. This leaves many people feeling alone and depressed and, possibly, seeking a false sense of physical love. They forget all of the other kinds of love they have in their lives, and these are no less important. In fact, without storge, agape, and philia, we may never find meaningful eros. Only lust, and that has NOTHING to do with love.
We should tell the people in our lives that we love them. Do a random act of kindness for a stranger to show him he is loved. Love yourselves. If you won't, why would anyone else? After all, Christ thought you were "to die for."
Love is a decision we make every day. To love or not to love. The choice is yours. Real love is not based on emotions or a date on the calendar. We don't need a made up holiday to remind us that we have love.
P.S. If you are married or seriously dating, please do not let your happiness or the well being of your relationship hinge on what your partner does or doesn't do for you on Valentine's Day. If you do, then it might be time to re-examine your priorities.
P.S. If you are married or seriously dating, please do not let your happiness or the well being of your relationship hinge on what your partner does or doesn't do for you on Valentine's Day. If you do, then it might be time to re-examine your priorities.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
How Do I Love Thee?
Winter.
I love this time of year. The crispness of fall has turned into the chill of winter. The colors of autumn have given way to bare branches. Like watching a baby sleep, it is calming to see the earth in this state of rest.
Snow.
I love the way it makes the world look like a fresh, clean slate, blanketed in silence. Watching the seemingly weightless flakes fall gently to the ground, or being swept up by the wind, swirling like a magical flourish. It gives me a feeling of peace and serenity.
Oregon.
God has blessed us with this beautiful country. So much of Oregon is untouched by man's development. We get to enjoy the coast, rivers, waterfalls, and mountains. The fresh food brought forth from the land. I love this place we get to call home.
I love this time of year. The crispness of fall has turned into the chill of winter. The colors of autumn have given way to bare branches. Like watching a baby sleep, it is calming to see the earth in this state of rest.
Snow.
I love the way it makes the world look like a fresh, clean slate, blanketed in silence. Watching the seemingly weightless flakes fall gently to the ground, or being swept up by the wind, swirling like a magical flourish. It gives me a feeling of peace and serenity.
Oregon.
God has blessed us with this beautiful country. So much of Oregon is untouched by man's development. We get to enjoy the coast, rivers, waterfalls, and mountains. The fresh food brought forth from the land. I love this place we get to call home.
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