Who is really celebrating the life of Saint Valentine on SAINT Valentine's Day? Even in my 10 years of Catholic schooling, I do not recall learning anything about Saint Valentine. I DO remember a really cool craft that Kristie Allen's mom came to teach all of us, and I looked it up online and duplicated it for Nathan's preschool class. I also remember being told that we didn't have to bring a valentine for everyone. Did some of us feel excluded? Yes. Were we forever scarred? Let's just say you don't easily forget only receiving 5 valentines in a class of 25 students.
Pity party over. Don't forget your goody bag.
Instead of focusing on what I don't know about Saint Valentine, I will get to the heart of my problem with this "holiday" besides the fact that it's not really a holiday when you have to go to school/work.
The big push on Valentine's Day is romantic love. What is this romance? Here is how Merriam-Webster defines romance:
1 a (1) : a medieval tale based on legend, chivalric love and adventure, or the supernatural (2) : a prose narrative treating imaginary characters involved in events remote in time or place and usually heroic, adventurous, or mysterious (3) : a love story especially in the form of a novel
2 : something (as an extravagant story or account) that lacks basis in fact
3 : an emotional attraction or aura belonging to an especially heroic era, adventure, or activity
Legend. Imaginary characters. Lacks basis in fact. An emotional attraction. I'm noticing a trend here. Romantic love is a nice idea but when we measure reality against fantasy.... Well, we've all seen the video of the photo shopped model. Romantic love is to healthy, mature relationships what photo shop is to the self-esteem of young girls.
Legend. Imaginary characters. Lacks basis in fact. An emotional attraction. I'm noticing a trend here. Romantic love is a nice idea but when we measure reality against fantasy.... Well, we've all seen the video of the photo shopped model. Romantic love is to healthy, mature relationships what photo shop is to the self-esteem of young girls.
Besides being unrealistic, romantic love is far from the most important kind of love. Valentine's Day, as it is celebrated today, steers clear of three very important (and all-encompassing) types of love: philia-love for your fellow man, storge-love for your family, and agape-sacrificial love. Instead, the main focus is on eros-physical, sensual love.
There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends.
Honor your father and your mother.
Love your neighbor as yourself.
Love your enemies.
The idea is not to "romance" your neighbors or enemies. If I do not send flowers to my friends, they don't question my feelings for them. My family doesn't need me to buy them gifts to be assured of my love for them. I like to keep it simple. I TELL them that I love them. I am available to them. I do things to brighten their days. I pray for them. I treat them how I want to be treated. I would die for my loved ones.
Valentine's Day is like the restricted country club of holidays. If you don't have eros love in your life, then just keep moving. There's nothing for you here. This leaves many people feeling alone and depressed and, possibly, seeking a false sense of physical love. They forget all of the other kinds of love they have in their lives, and these are no less important. In fact, without storge, agape, and philia, we may never find meaningful eros. Only lust, and that has NOTHING to do with love.
Valentine's Day is like the restricted country club of holidays. If you don't have eros love in your life, then just keep moving. There's nothing for you here. This leaves many people feeling alone and depressed and, possibly, seeking a false sense of physical love. They forget all of the other kinds of love they have in their lives, and these are no less important. In fact, without storge, agape, and philia, we may never find meaningful eros. Only lust, and that has NOTHING to do with love.
We should tell the people in our lives that we love them. Do a random act of kindness for a stranger to show him he is loved. Love yourselves. If you won't, why would anyone else? After all, Christ thought you were "to die for."
Love is a decision we make every day. To love or not to love. The choice is yours. Real love is not based on emotions or a date on the calendar. We don't need a made up holiday to remind us that we have love.
P.S. If you are married or seriously dating, please do not let your happiness or the well being of your relationship hinge on what your partner does or doesn't do for you on Valentine's Day. If you do, then it might be time to re-examine your priorities.
P.S. If you are married or seriously dating, please do not let your happiness or the well being of your relationship hinge on what your partner does or doesn't do for you on Valentine's Day. If you do, then it might be time to re-examine your priorities.
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