........Is Change

Just a couple of days ago, I wrote a blog about change and how much I love* it.  (*See: sarcasm)

Change is uncertain.  Uncertainty leads to worry.  Worry distracts us from God when we need to rely on Him the most.  Does this mean change is bad?  Change is from God.  He designed the world with the plan that all life in it would reproduce and grow.  Change.  Even the simple act of flowing water can carve a canyon out of solid rock.  Change.
There was one change that was not from God.  He did not introduce sin into this world.  All change that has come from that first sin is not from Him.  Disease and death are not from Him, but He does offer us redemption, healing, comfort and peace; oases in this desert of sin.

You see, change IS uncertain.  Uncertainty can also lead to anticipation and hope!  Hope is from God.  Hope is what keeps us from giving up.  It keeps us trying to make things better in the face of adversity.  If I burn a cake, I do not walk out of the kitchen and never cook again.  When a child makes an error in school work, he does not drop out.  When a loved one dies from cancer, we do not give up.  We learn from our mistakes.  We continue to support organizations in searching for a cure.  We hope.

Hope is the enemy of worry.

Last night, I saw my son having a seizure.  This was the first time I had ever seen something like this and it was terrifying to see it happening to my child.  I called 9-1-1 and we waited for help to arrive.  The other children all milled around, helping to clean up and checking on their brother.  Someone asked if he was going to be okay.  I said "Yes!"  Then came the question, "How do you know?"

I kneeled over Ian and kissed him and said, "Because God is taking care of him.  God won't let anything bad happen to him."

As we rode to the hospital, many thoughts raced through my mind.  Does he have epilepsy?  How is this going to change our lives?  How can I do anything if I am worried that Ian will have another seizure?  I realized that I cannot live my life in worry.  I have to give all of these fears to God.  He can give me the peace to be able to carry on.  We will all need to learn more about seizures and what we should and should not do, but we cannot put Ian in a bubble and stare at him waiting for another seizure to happen.  We must follow up with qualified physicians who can help us to understand all of this.  We will arm ourselves with knowledge, another change God has given us.  Learning is constant and, as we learn, we change.  We have already spent some time doing research on autism and seizures.  We will probably come up with many more questions than answers, at first.  These questions will afford us more opportunities to learn, to change.

As Ian regained coherence, we sang and we prayed together.  He talked to Jesus in a way that I know only Jesus would understand.  This gives me hope.  I know that Ian has a relationship with God that I cannot comprehend.  When I say that God won't let anything bad happen to Ian, it means that I feel confident that he is saved.  His eternity is assured.  Illness and even death are not the worst things that can happen to a person.  To die without having a relationship with God is.

My hope is in a Savior who has paid the price that I might spend eternity in paradise with my creator.  I made the choice to change my life from one of running away from God to one of seeking and embracing Him. 

This is change I can get behind.

The Only Constant......

Those who know me best know that change is not my cup of tea.  What made me think parenting would be the right choice for me?  Babies are cute but they don't stay babies forever.  They get bigger and more mobile and learn to talk and become independent and grow up and.... 

What happens in that .... is a whole lot of living and growing and messing up and learning from their own mistakes.  No matter how much we try to protect them, they must strike out on their  own.  It isn't just about not wanting them to fail.  There is a whole lot of ego involved.  Did I do a good enough job as a parent?  Have I prepared them for a world that doesn't always align with our values?  If they choose different paths than the one we have guided them on so far, how does that make us look?

I do not want to see my children struggle, and by that I don't mean that they shouldn't have to work for anything.  I know life is full of difficulties and hard work is character building.  I just pray that they will avoid the same pit stops I made along my journey.  The most important lessons I have tried to impart haven't been in reading, writing, and arithmetic.  They have been about life experiences I would like them to avoid and the kind of life I, and God, would like them to pursue. 

Whatever path each of my children chooses to follow, I want their choices to glorify God.  I am living proof that just because a person chooses the highway to hell doesn't mean she cannot change her itinerary to take the stairway to heaven.  One appears an exciting ride while the other seems like a tedious climb.  If there is one thing I have learned in recent years it is the joy of not taking shortcuts.  Whether it is hiking the longer, steeper trail to a magnificent view or making something beautiful and delicious from scratch, the extra time and effort is its own reward.

As I watch Nathan follow his artistic passion with enthusiasm, I am excited and afraid for him.  It is joyous to see him nurture and embrace his talents.  At the same time, I fear he is not prepared for how hard it is going to be to make it into a career.  He has a part-time job in food service.  He has just received his learner's permit.  We need to teach him how to drive and how to budget wisely on very little income.  He may be finished with his academic career, but our job as teachers is far from over.

Our other children still need us very much, but Nathan is a young man taking on new responsibilities.  This is the part of parenting I think we can never be prepared for.  I only hope experience makes it easier.  

No comments from the peanut gallery, please.

Growing Up

I am not sure if I'm ready for this.  My children are growing up and reaching milestones that will require me to act like a grown up.  When did I sign up for this?

We have been raising our children with the idea of courtship rather than dating.  The plan is to get to know another person with the guidance of family.  No going out on dates and "playing grown-up" with nothing to rein in the raging hormones but self control, which hasn't been proven to exist yet.  This has all been fine in theory, but now we need to put our theory to the test.  This has to do with our oldest son, who is nearly 18.  At this point it is really his decision to make.  This is only the second time he has expressed an interest in a girl.  Both times he has wanted to introduce the girls to me immediately.  Each time I get butterflies.  What, exactly, is my role in this?  I am happy that he wants to include me in this, or any, part of his life.  However, I wonder if we have taught him all we could, or should, about pursuing a relationship with a young woman.

Have we impressed upon him the importance of respect?  Respect for himself and for all other people.  Have we taught him about responsibility?  He doesn't have a job yet.  He has dreams and ambitions but he has yet to channel these into a paying job.  Have we given him a sufficient understanding of his need to be able to provide for himself and someone else before asking her to invest in him?

We are not experts in these areas.  Mostly, we serve as a cautionary tale.  I can tell him about the heartbreak of giving up a child I was not prepared for.  We can offer our past lives as an example of the damage drugs and alcohol can do to a person-physically, emotionally, spiritually.  Our financial struggles point to a path of living on credit instead of living within our means.  What we are doing now, making better choices for ourselves and our children, stand as a testimony to God's healing power and forgiveness.

I guess we just have to trust that we have gotten through to him.  We must pray that God will help us to be good role models from this day forward.  We have done our best to protect him while still teaching him about the world in which we live.  We will be here to support him as he navigates his way through the world of male/female relationships.  He knows what we believe and what we want for him.  He has specific plans for his life and I hope he will continue to pursue those plans.  We cannot make his decisions for him but we will listen to him and pray for and with him.

Tonight, our eldest son called a girl and invited her and her family to dine with us.  They have found they have common interests.  Does this mean we are headed down the road of courtship?  Only God knows.  I pray we will have our hearts and eyes open to read all the signs He will place before us.

Growing up is scary!

Spring

I love the fall, especially here in the Pacific Northwest.  There is no better season, but spring has its good points. 

My birthday is right smack dab in the middle of spring.  The skies are clear and blue and this lends itself to long days of hiking.  The children can play outside without getting chilled, and the computers get a much-needed rest. 

I also spend much less time on the internet.  This translates to fewer blogs.  Right now, I am sitting on my couch telling my children to get outside into the sunshine.  Ridiculous!  Just so I can have something posted this week.  Preposterous!  I am going to get off my derriere and do something offline.  I'll be back to post again when the sun goes down, or when I have something worthwhile (in my mind) to say.

Now step away from your computer, and go soak up some sunshine before it goes into hiding.*

*This is specifically aimed at people located in Portland, Oregon.

Words......

At church, we have been having a message series on words for the past few weeks.  Their ability to build up or tear down.  Their ability to speak truth or lies.  Their ability to hurt or to heal.

We all have experience with the power of words.  My mother related a story from her childhood about how the careless use of words can leave scars that never go away.  I teach this to my children and I ask them to be honest with me if my words hurt them.  I was bullied with words for the better part of my childhood so I am grateful to have had parents who used their words to build me up.  I have used words to make someone else feel as bad as I did, and I carried that guilt around for years, until I chose to apologize.
 
The words we choose not to say can be just as powerful as the ones we do speak.  When we choose not to say something hurtful, we choose not to plant weeds in our hearts or the hearts of others.  But wouldn't it be better to say something kind rather than nothing at all?  Tell people you are proud of them, or that you love them.  Tell someone how much you appreciate them in your life.  You might think they know, but hearing it could be the one thing that gets them through the day with a smile instead of anger. 

Words of condolence can be very difficult.  We all want to dispense words of wisdom that will help the bereaved through his time of grief, but we don't want to sound cliché.  The perfect words that will offer comfort but not come off sounding like we know what he is going through.  Profound words.  Meaningful words. When we can't find the perfect words, we often say nothing.  All we need to say is "I love you."
Kind and loving words are meant to be shared.  Left unspoken, they can be the bitterest words of all.

Compare before you share.

At the start of this year, my husband began unfriending people on Facebook for posting/sharing "I Hate so-and-so" statuses or memes.  He gave very little warning and I thought that was unfair.  But today, I have decided to do something similar except that I am giving one week's notice. 

My unfriending will be of people who blindly post shocking "facts" without first checking their validity.  Here is the propaganda being spread as fact that sparked this housecleaning.

What are some past offenses that would now have you dropped from my list of friends?  Just  by way of example:
The waitress who was stiffed for being a lesbian.  Not true, yet that one spread like wildfire.  The retraction was not nearly as widespread as the lie.  If you want to find it, read down to the 7th paragraph.

ANYTHING about a major change on Facebook.  If it didn't come to you in an email or wasn't posted by the appropriate administrative section of Facebook, question it.
We are all, supposedly, intelligent human beings with the power of discernment.  If not, then we know you at least have the internet and the ability to cut and paste.  So cut and paste that frighteningly shocking revelation into Snopes or Google and do some research.
Believe it or not, tone is apparent.  All capital letters, exclamation points, winking emoticons all get   the mood across.  I don't need a crystal ball to know why you are sharing this propaganda.

Some of you  truly want to inform/warn people and are genuinely concerned about their well being.  These will be given the benefit of the doubt and reminded to check their facts.  A second infraction will be cause for removal.
Some people post these things maliciously with the intent to rile people up.  Those will be unfriended immediately.   Likewise for the sheep who share it because, if it is on the internet it must be true.  I have no time for such ignorance.

The more unbelievable the headline, the more likely it is to not be true.  I know this is not always the case.  There are atrocities happening in the world every day, so it is easy to accept everything you read as fact.  Do not!  Be informed.  Be proactive.  Be a thinking person.

I know I am not faultless in this arena.  I want to be told if I have jerked my knee.  Don't stand on ceremony.  Show me where I have erred.  Then unfriend me.

I'm Kathleen and I am a baking snob

Group: "Hi, Kathleen!"

The topic of this blog may seem kind of light compared to my other posts, but I feel that it is serious and needs to be addressed.  You see, aside from being very opinionated about many controversial subjects, I also happen to be an avid baker.  Where I was once frightened to try anything that is not printed in my Cooking Bible According to Betty Crocker, I now seek out new ways to challenge myself in the culinary arts.

Some may say it is just me getting on my it's-only-homemade-if-it's-from-scratch high horse, but looking up recipes for cake pops is making me feel like singing a particular Patsy Cline song over and over and over and over....

Yes, I said cake pops.  I told you it was serious.
Boxed cake mix is NOT, in and of itself, an ingredient.  It is a handy short-cut if you are in a hurry or have no patience or skills in the baking arena.  But I was specifically searching for a scratch cake pop recipe for use with my cake pop maker (C.P.M.).  It is a gift from a couple of Christmases ago and I am finally ready to try it out.
I've never really trusted cake pops and have never eaten one.  After a little research, I now know how they are traditionally made and I am glad that I have chosen to refrain.   The idea of baking a cake with the intention of crumbing it up and mashing it together with  canned frosting (EEW!) and presenting it to people as something to be ingested leaves me feeling a bit queasy.  Kind of like taking the efforts of a child at his first birthday party and serving it up to your guests.  I guess the only good thing you can say about these treats is that they are truly handmade. 

My C.P.M. did come with an instruction book that also contains some "recipes," if you consider throwing a box of mix into a bowl with some oil and water a recipe.  Pardon me.  Is that my snobbery showing?

I really find something satisfying about taking a bunch of ingredients and combining them to create something delicious, and then decorating it so that people think it is too pretty to eat.  But the taste is the most important part.  If it tastes like cardboard, or worse, then all the frills and furbelows won't save it.  To me, baking is a work of love.  I do not do a lot of things exceptionally well but this is one area where I shine.  So it feeds my soul to feed others.  The best way for me to do this is from scratch.

Although I love to bake, I have no background in chemistry.  I did not take it in high school and I don't necessarily understand how the ingredients I mix together become a cake instead of a lump of goo.  Once, I forgot to add baking soda to my chocolate chip cookie dough.  When I opened the oven door, I found a soupy lake in the middle of the baking sheet.  I learned that baking soda is needed to make the cookies hold together and rise, but my knowledge ends there.  Maybe someday I will take the time to study and understand the importance of ratios of salt and baking powder to flour, but for now I need a recipe to follow. 

So I continue my search for the perfect cake pop batter recipe, from scratch.  I may have hit upon a couple of ideas and now it is time to test them out.  My poor family must suffer as my tasting guinea pigs.  They don't mind.  It's all in the name if deliciousness!